2008, A Year To Remember.

2008 is a very memorable year for me. A lot of things happened that I wished never happened but I guess, life's like that. Everything has a purpose. I felt that I got a jinx this year but on the other hand, I became stronger than ever. Although I admit that there are still times that I get sad and just cry at night until I'd fall asleep whenever I remember those heartaching moments.

The worst thing that ever happened to me this year was receiving a very heartbreaking news that I never imagined to happen. I thought everything's okay and all... but I guess people make mistakes. No one's perfect. It's just really saddening that a person really close to my heart did something that I won't forget. Yeah, I already forgave that person but I won't be able to forget it because it almost changed my life, our lives... everything. I just hope, wish and pray that it won't happen again.

On the other hand, even though I never thought that I'd still be unemployed until this time, there are a lot of good things that happened this year. I get to celebrate with my love on our anniversary (thanks for the greetings, by the way!), I was hired even for a short time (I resigned after4 days? Haha!), I was given an opportunity to go back to the hospital for a three-month training, I won in a blog contest, I got recognized for the award I won and met the people I've always wanted to meet,  I had a successful operation, I was able to have fun in different places (also include Zoobic Safari), I started getting addicted with digital scrapbooking, and I learned more lessons to improve myself and my life.

2009 is a few steps away.  I don't have any new year's resolutions listed yet but I am keeping my fingers crossed that this new year would be a year of success for me. I may have become depressed this year 2008, but I promise to lift my chin up and bravely face the journey that awaits me this coming year of our Lord. (Hoping not to break that promise!)

Happy 2009 to all! May we all become better-er this year! =)

First Anniversary

I thought that only the priests could teach me good lessons through their homily during the midnight masses. I didn't expect that I'll be deeply touched by an old couple beside me two midnight masses ago.

During the rite of peace, as we were greeting each other with "Peace be with you", I heard the old man saying "I'm sorry" to his wife with a kiss on the forehead. Isn't that sweet? It's one of the sweetest and touching scenes I've ever witnessed.

I don't know but for some reasons, guys find it hard to apologize for their mistakes. I noticed it with my dad, my brother and some guy friends. And even TJ, I witnessed how it is hard for him to say "I'm sorry" everytime we have misunderstandings.

Few weeks ago, our relationship was really on the rocks. I had sleepless nights and puffy eyes for how many days. I felt my Christmas would be gloomy but I guess, our love for each other didn't let our relationship end just like that. I apologized for my mistakes when we talked over the phone. He didn't. But to my surprise, he texted me and said sorry. Maybe he realized that he also had failures in our relationship. Well, past is past. We're starting anew now after we celebrated our very first anniversary yesterday in Subic with his family.

I gave him a scrapbook  with twelve pics representing each month that we were together. I am happy that he liked it. Actually, I was sad the whole day because he didn't greet me as soon as he and his family picked me up at our house. I hated him for begging him to greet me. (I know, pathetic much.) And the only response that I got from him was a smile and a very sweet hug. Well, TJ is a guy full of surprises. He greeted me when they brought me home. It's part of his plan. Although it wasn't the way he planned it because my father showed up. Haha! At least, he made an effort.

I am happy. I am really happy and I know you can feel the kiligness in me while reading this entry. I thank God for giving me a not-so perfect but a very, very wonderful guy. I hope that we'll grow old together just like the sweet old couple I met in the church.



Again, happy anniversary to my one and only love. :)

Cha-Cha

I'm not gonna talk about Charter Change which is a very hot issue nowadays. This is not about the Latin American dance as well.

Yesterday, the misa de gallo or Midnight mass has started. I woke up at 3:30 am to be able to attend the 4:30 am mass. I attended the mass with my mom because we plan to complete the 9 morning masses as part of our faith and belief.

The church was jampacked on its first day. There were chairs outside the church to be able to accommodate the huge number of people. I assume that those people who attended the mass, including me and my mom, have different purposes. Some attended the mass with the same intention as mine - as my way of thanking God for the whole year. Few went to flaunt their new Christmas attires, to meet their suitors and friends, or to buy delicious delicacies such as puto bumbong and bibingka.

I remember this girl right next to me who slept during the homily. She missed this very short and concise yet meaningful message that the priest imparted to us yesterday which made me blog today.

The priest mentioned about charter change BUT he said that it would be better if we start changing ourselves into a better rather than changing the constitution. I agree to that. I mean, I do not know everything about politics. All I know is that to have a better world, we should start making ourselves better. I remember this quote that says you'll only get to like a person if you change your view about him or her.

If  I'll compare myself today from yesterday, I could say that I have changed into a better person. I am not a materialistic brat anymore.  But still, I ain't a perfect person and will never be. I still have a lot of flaws to change. I still have to learn to look at the brighter side of things because I sometimes forget that. I'll meet a lot of obstacles in the future. And I am still on this journey called life.

I know that we can all change into something better. We must. We will. We can.... If we only have the determination, willingness, humility and motivation.

Vroooommmm!

I rode a motorcycle just by myself. I drove it. And it's cool. =)

I've always wanted to learn to drive it. (Err, is that the right term for a motorcycle?) My parents are insisting me to learn to drive our car again. I actually learned driving like 6 years ago but because I don't have a car to use, I wasn't able to apply what I've learned. That's why they want me to practice again.

I insisted though that I want to drive the motorcycle first so that I can use it if I'll go to a grocery store or for some errands. You know, for short distances only. And also, I wanted to get used to the dangers of the streets. Haha! You know what I mean.

So anyway, two nights ago I had the chance to drive around our subdivision using our motorcycle. It's fun! I loved it that I felt the winds touching my face when I  accelerated the speed.  Our neighbors were actually watching me probably because they seldom see a girl with a motorcycle because we usually see it driven by guys. F na F ko talaga! I even told my sister that I should get a cute helmet so that I can also do those slow-mo-motorcycle-stints of women in the ads. Haha. Okay, that's not funny, I know.

Wee! I can't wait to drive it on a main road!

*****

Btw, I made a digiscrapped wallpaper for Christmas. You can use it if you want. Just please leave a message here, if you don't mind. Here's the small version:

To download, click here. Right click then save as.

Credits to the following:
http://jayantara.deviantart.com/art/Love-after-Rain-80020185 -- for the pic
http://flutterexpressions.blogspot.com -- for the embelishments
http://digitreats.typepad.com -- for the paper

Attainable Christmas Wish List

Christmas is just around the corner! Though I don't really feel the Christmas spirit ((maybe because of the crisis here and there)), I am still posting my Christmas wish list. This is originally posted in my multiply account and I am reposting it here. :)

The reason why I described this Christmas Wish List as attainable is because I'd rather wish for something this Christmas that is realistic ((just like nursing goals - talk about nursing care plans)) rather than extravagant gifts that no one would even bother to buy.

So let's start!

• Scrapbook stuffs - Scrapbook kits, embelishments, alphas, papers which can be bought at National Bookstore, Simple Joy, & Fully booked.


• Domain for my tagalog blog. Still thinking of a nice domain, though


• Webspace from http://host.its-kimeh.cn - Affection plan, please. Thankyouverymuch!


• Books - any recommended authors but I prefer Nicholas Sparks and Paulo Coelho. I've been wanting to read Brida and Dear John. =)


• Christmas cards! Oh, how I love reading christmas letters and cards!


• Gossip Girl statement shirt that I found in an online shop


• New pair of flipflops! Black or Pink. :D


• Treat at Cerealicious! Promise! Haha!


• 2009 Planner from Fullybooked. It's worth 800+ though. Hahaha.


• Sweet and romantic 1st anniversary celebration with my love, TJ - He would grant this! He would grant this. There's no way he won't make me fall inlove with him again! HAHA!

That's all. That's all. In case you'd grant them, then let me say TIA! Thanks in Advance! Hehehe!

Youngblood

Two days ago, we went to the mall to buy some stuffs. I am so happy that my mom bought me a new pair of skinny jeans from F&H and the book I have always wanted to have - Youngblood. Youngblood is a portion in the Philippine Daily Inquirer's opinion/commentary section every Thursday. Anyone can send articles there. If the staff likes it, you would see your work on a very lucky Thursday of yours.

I've been a fan of Youngblood ever since my parents subscribed for the said newspaper and I got really sad when they stopped their subscription for we had some financial problems before so they had to lessen the bills they had to pay. I got sad because I won't be able to read Youngblood anymore. So a year ago, I discovered that the articles (the best articles, I guess) are compiled into one book. I was happy as soon as I found that book because at least, I would be able to read the articles that I missed. 

It was only yesterday that I grabbed my own copy due to my tight budget for the past 12 months. LOL. I still have 3 more Youngblood compilation-books to buy though.

Someday, I'll see my article printed in that corner of the commentary section. I can imagine reading it on the dining table while drinking a hot Swiss Miss chocolate in a beautiful Thursday morning.

I have been aiming to send an article to Youngblood since I began writing. Ever since one of my articles was published in a teen magazine, my hopes of seeing my own work in Youngblood heightened.

Now, all I have to do is to find an inspiration for an article which I am about to write and to send...

Marie France Interview

Contrary to what I have posted yesterday, I was not able to show up in my interview in Ortigas because last night, I received another call while I was in the mall. The caller asked me if I was available for an interview today at 10am in Makati. I said yes even though I already set an appointment with another company in Ortigas because I thought I could attend both.

Fastforward this morning.

I'm not really a Makati girl and I barely go there, so yeah, I got lost. Haha. It's as if I toured around Ayala just to look for RCBC because "Kuya FX Driver" dropped me off near Makati Medical Center and he jus taught me how to go to RCBC. So after 20 minutes of walking and asking so many security guards in every intersections and corners of the streets, I finally reached the building.

Anyways, I underwent the usual application procedures: filling up the application form, and answering the essays like, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what can you contribute to the company and etc. I was the third one who came in their office but the first one to finish the forms (Prolly because I've answered lots of application forms and Ialready know what to answer. Haha). I went back to the reception area and waited for the HR lady to call me.

After a few minutes, I was called for the initial interview. I didn't expect that it was that cold in the interviewer's office. I had second thoughts if I'll wear my sweater. Haha. And seriously, I hated myself when I got nervous. I dunno. Maybe because it's my first interview for the last 6 months? I hate hate hate myself. I knew that she could hear my heart pumping so loud and my stuttering voice. Argh. I think I also got pressured with my interview because I really wanted to get hired. The thought of "hey, you have to grab this" thing pressured me, I guess. Well, what's done is done. All I have to do is to hope but not to expect. 

She told me that she'll endorse me to the supervisor but since the supervisor wasn't around, I would have to wait for her call. I was wondering if she said the same thing to the other applicants. Were there any applicants that she did not endorse? That's what I do not know. I am hoping that the supervisor would get interested in me. I really did my best in answering the questions despite the stutter. Haha.

By the way, in case I get hired (let's cross our fingers, please!), my work as a nurse would be doing the facial and slimming treatment procedures which of course wayyyy out of what I have learned in school. I'm okay with that actually since it's really hard to look for a job in the hospitals right now. You know, I heard from a friend that even the nursing professors and clinical instructors advised the nursing students now to rest from the nursing world for a while after passing the board because of the tough competition. I think that's true and helpful in way. I mean, if you'll just wait for a hospital to call you, you would really have to be patient. If you want to take the NCLEX, then so be it BUT you also have to wait for the retrogression thing to be resolved. If you want in another country, you have to have at least one or two years of work experience in hospitals which, like what I said, is sort of impossible as of the moment because most of the hospitals now are not hiring. You can volunteer and undergo training but there is no assurance of getting hired immediately unless you know someone from that hospital. You know what I mean.

Now you know the reason why I tried out in a different field but still sort of related to my course. Practicality really matters today. I don't want to turn 24 next year without a job. 

About my 2nd interview, I didn't make it. My feet really hurt from the shoes that I wore and I can barely walk while wearing it so I had to buy new flipflops to be able to go home without "AP" walking ((AP walk is one of the signals for appendicitis where in the right lower quadrant of your abdomen hurts when you take a step.))

So anyways, I am hoping that they would call asap. Wish me luck. I know and I feel that God will lead me to the right work. If and when this is not for me, maybe God has another plan for me. :)

Do I really need to have a title everytime I blog?

Hahaha. Sorry for that, I can't really think of any title that suits for this very short entry.

Anyways, I have an interview tomorrow in a company located in Ortigas, Pasig City. If and when I get hired, I really do not know what kind of job they would give me. I just saw it in Jobstreet that they need a nurse so I gave it a try but when I checked their company profile, it seems like they are just like the other call centers everywhere. I'm really not interested to work as a call center agent. I tried to apply before in a call center but when I was scheduled for the final interview, I did not show up because I did not enjoy what we did there. Haha. I mean, if I want to work in a company or a hospital, I have to make sure that I love what I am doin. Because in my opinion, if you're happy in your job, even if it's really tiring and stressing, you would still feel fulfilled at the end of the day.

Now, the only thing I have to do is how to get there.

Letters and Diaries

While I was cleaning my room last week, I found my old diaries and letters from friends that I have kept a long time ago. As soon as I finished the task, I immediately reminisced the old times through reading them once again.

When I read my old high school and college diaries, I just can't believe how shallow I was before. Most of my entries were about my crushes and frustrations in nursing. I just can't help but laugh at my teenage years. I also realized that I encountered a lot of heartaches and what makes me proud is that I handled them well. I maybe immature before but at least, I had the courage to face the problems even if they're too shallow compared with my problems now.

Letters. Oh, I enjoyed reading my friends' letters. I was just smiling all the time while reading them. I even let TJ to read some of them even though I saw in his eyes how jealous he was of my guy friends' letters. I told him that I have this college close guy buddy who kept on giving me simple notes to make me smile like "Xyla, smile ka na. Kaya mo yan", "Xyla, thank you. :)"... We had this "issue" before and our classmates kept on teasing us. And now I realized, maybe he really did like me. Hahaha! Okay, once TJ reads this, he'll prolly get jealous again.

I also loved reading my highschool adviser's letters. She told me the things I have to know about love and friendship. I really thank Miss Cruz for that letter. :)

And oh, how could I ever forget my bestfriends' and closefriends' letters. I am really glad that in my own little way, I was able to touch their lives. It's really a nice feeling when a person appreciates you and your good deeds.

From those letters and diaries, it reminded me of who I was before and who I am now. Yes, I got older but age is just a number, right? What matters is that through the years, I can say that I became a better person.

Mid-November Updates

Because I was not able to blog for a couple of days, I'll just list some of the updates of my life.

• I took this screening exam for medical transcriptionist as an alternative.
• I went to Trinoma to see Michael Johns, American Idol 7 finalist, with my sister. Gosh! What a hot accent and voice!
• We have a new Internet Service Provider: PLDT myDSL. And I so love the speed!
• Tomorrow is our 11th monthsary. :) Happy 11th love! I love you. This means I have to prepare for my anniversary gift.
• I found out that JC of Survivor Philippines has a girlfriend. Me = heartbroken. Haha! Kidding!
• I'm going to start jotting down my own Christmas wishlist.

That's all for now.

Thanks, Yo!

I really want to thank everyone who replied in my previous entry as well as those people who texted or PM-ed me just to say that I’ll be fine and everything will be okay soon. Thank you. I really have nothing to blog right now. I just wanted to take this opportunity to say how much grateful I am to have some friends/online friends/blog readers like you. :)

I think what struck me the most is Jasmin’s comment. Let me quote what she said: “I think you handle everything very well. I must say you are a strong person, coz if you were not then you would just have given up long time ago. But you are still trying and thats what it means to be strong!” That comment really motivated me. I kept on forgetting that being strong doesn’t only mean that you have the courage to face all the problems. It’s also about having the guts to stand up every time you fail.

All your comments uplifted my spirit! Thanks again people. I love you guys for that!

Till my next blog entry!

The Truth

I started blogging as  a random poster. I talk about my crushes, my college life and all. When I was on my nursing proper, that was the time I blogged about my nursing life - everything about it from the lessons I have learned every clinical exposures down to the saddening moments  of being a nurse. I decided to blog stories that I can share with my online friends or inspire them to be contented in their lives. Reading my entries is like spending your time with me while I am reflecting. This is how I make myself strong and learn to love my life more despite the depression I am going through.

You read that right. I am undergoing this depression, not clinically diagnosed though. When this year started, problems just didn’t stop from coming. I question/ed God why is this happening, why do I have to face problems and etc. I know that in every problem, there is always a solution. But how come my problems take a lot of time to be solved?

To tell you the truth, there are times that I kind of regret taking up this course. I don’t blame this course, okay? I don’t blame anyone why it suddenly became the number 1 course of this country. I just feel sad about what’s going on with my life right now. I envy my friends, even my brother, who were hired easily. (Okay, now I am crying. :-S) And I hate to admit this that until now, I haven’t gotten through with that NCLEX thing. I still cry whenever I remember what happened to my exam. I still can not accept that despite my preparations, I didn’t pass that effin’ exam. I knew in my heart that I would be able to make my folks proud of me, you know, but I was wrong.

I know people would say that I should just be strong and that I should trust God. I know that. But sad to say, I felt like I ain’t that strong anymore. And I really really want to take that strength back. Just please give me some time.

All I wanna do now is just read my entries to remind myself of how strong and determined I was before. I really want to go back to my old self.

Sorry if I have disappointed you with this entry you are reading. I just can’t hide this anymore. I need to write about this. I need to let this out. I don’t know if I’ll just be on a hiatus as of the moment. I don’t know. I really can not decide right now. I’m also thinking if I’ll close the comments thing or make this a private entry.

Hmmm. Okay. I decided not to do what I was thinking a minute ago.

Fire!

Bunch of shrimps, grilled chicken and two cups of rice. Mmm! Yummy breakfast. What a lovely morning for this Halloween. Everything was almost perfect this morning not until we saw that our neighbor’s house was on fire. And this princess-wanna-be, who received a sweet message from her boyfriend this morning when she woke up, turned into a panic monster.

My sister shouted and called my mom about what we saw. She even couldn’t say that our neighbor’s house was on fire. She just pointed the house and shouted, “Ma! Ma! Ma!” As soon as my mom saw it, she immediately told us to pack our things and to prepare everything that is important. I didn’t know what to do first. Pack my things or call 117? So I went upstairs, looked for my green envelope where all my important documents are and put it on the sofa in our living room. My mom shouted so many things that we have to prepare that I can not remember now. But I hesitated and called 117 first. The phone kept on ringing on my first try. I hung it up and went upstairs again to put all my clothes in a blanket. Then went downstairs after to call 117 for the second time. Thank God my call was answered.

I went outside to look at the burning house and saw that the flames and smoke were getting bigger and bigger. I was getting tachycardic. My mom saw us panicking and told us to relax. Shocks! This is the first time that I experienced such thing in a very unexpected day. I kept going up and down the house and checked the things we had to carry with us.

In the middle of this scenario, I just prayed really hard. I know that He’s the only one I can hold on to. I prayed, I prayed, I prayed… Then I finally heard the alarming sound of the firetrucks. THANK YOU, LORD!

When we went outside of the house, most of our neighbors were gathered in one place and talked about what was happening while watching the fire volunteers to do their work. My mom advised our neighbors to shut their electricity off just to be sure. Most of the houses in our subdivision are old and made of wood that is why my mom worried about this “alipato” thing especially if it gets windy because if and when an alipato drops at our house’s roof, you know what would happen.

After an hour,  everything’s back to normal. I went back to my room and fixed the mess and just slept because I got really tired of the adrenalin rush.

Next time that something like this happens (knock on wood!), I won’t panic again. Reminiscing what just happened this morning and imagining how I and my sister looked like makes me shameful. Hehe! This kind of emergency is different from the emergency that I experience in the hospitals. This is not about saving others’ lives because it’s your job. It’s about saving your own life…

EKG/ECG Workshop.

When I was in my second training hospital, I remember that I was asked to conduct ECG on the patient who was having chest pains. “Oh no! I don’t know how to take an ECG!” I thought. Good thing, my co-trainee who was with me knows how. And so I asked for her help. After that scenario, I promised myself to learn everything about electrocardiogram. That is why I enrolled in this Basic ECG Workshop.

image from: myprivategp.com

If you look at the ECG strip above and if you do not have any knowledge about electrocardiogram, I am sure you’ll just say, “Ohmygee! What is that supposed to mean?” or “Holy shit! What does this strip imply?“Honestly, I did say that too before I enrolled the workshop. Although there are some waves that I particularly know but trying to interpret it is really a glitch for me.

The ECG workshop did help me to appreciate ECG. I may not be able to diagnose yet, but somehow I can now understand what it is trying to say like if the patient is tachycardic/bradycardic or if the patient’s status is fatal or if there’s a heart block. Anyways, we had a post test yesterday as a form of self-evaluation. I am proud to say that I got the highest score (or one of the highest) in the group. :) That means, I did learn in the workshop, I am getting better and I have really improved.

Continuing education is really important not just for nurses, but also for everyone. It helps us to enhance our basic knowledge and learn more about stuffs related to our course that wasn’t taught in school. I know that sometimes we tend to get lazy in studying but I advise you that once in a while, you enroll yourself in classes or seminars not to make your resume thicker but to widen the things you already know.

October 22 & 23

For a reason that I do not know, I wasn’t able to access my blog in our personal computer for how many days. Thank God I was saved by my dad’s laptop!

Anyways, this week has been really a great week for me. I get to spend my time with my boyfriend and my online bestfriends. Let’s start the kwentos!

October 22 - TJ’s (my boyfriend)  birthday.

This is his first birthday that we celebrated together (as lovers) so I made sure that it would be a very special and romantic day. =)

We were supposed to meet at 11 am but I got really late because I went to this store in the mall first to buy a badge that says, “I am inlove with a wonderful guy!“I wanted to surprise him when he sees me. And yes, he was really surprised. He did not expect that I had the guts to wear that thing on my shirt. He even asked me if I wore that on my way to our meeting place. “Oo naman! Pakapalan ng mukha! Birthday mo eh!” I replied. Hehehe!

I gave my gift immediately out of my excitement. He told me that he’d just open it when we’re home but his very excited girlfriend insisted and so he opened it. Hehe! And fortunately, he did like what I gave him. Yay! I was so nervous that he wouldn’t like it or he had one already, especially the E-heads anthology book. Thank God, he didn’t know about that book yet until he opened the box. :D

After checking my gift, we went to Ermita Shrine to visit. It’s my first time there and so I made some wishes. I hope they would come true. :) After we finished our prayers, we went to their house and had somemoshimonster bonding moments. Haha! He even taught me how to play DOTA but because I am not interested, I didn’t have the patience to learn how to play it. I really suck at computer games.

Since this laptop has no adobe photoshop yet, I digiscrapped online. Here’s the digiscrapped pics on that day:



I had fun on that day. I feel so kilig that I made TJ happy on his 22nd birthday. I realized that extravagant gifts are really not necessary when it comes to your special someone’s birthday. It’s the thought that counts, as they say.

Let’s jump to October 23.

My online bestfriends planned an eyeball ever since we formed this Fab5 group. Fab 5 is a group we have formed in this text clan of my forum. The group consists of 5 pretty girls(Haha!):  Me, Nix, Karen, Kang andMakis. I am very happy that we finally met but too bad, Makis didn’t make it because she’s in work. I told her to cut classes but unfortunately she couldn’t because she’s the teacher. LOL. And oh, we were with Lhyzie and Eugene (her boyfriend) too.

On that same day, I also had the chance to meet some old online friends. Finally, I have met Eka (The Living Doll in Teentalk). She’s really gorgeous, in person. (Nakabog ang beauty ko! Hahaha!)  Okay. Lesbo mode. I also met, Eysi and her friend whom she invited to join Teentalk. Hehe!

We went to Timezone for some videoke bonding and shoot-that-ball moments. It was fun, really. It has been ages since I bonded with some friends because most of the time, I am busy or with my boyfriend. Hehe. I can’t wait to bond with my college and high school friends.

Anyways, after that we had our merienda at Gerry’s Grill and then the non-stop chikahan started.



I went home really happy because I know that I enjoyed bonding with my online bestfriends for real. At least we get to know each other more in person rather than through text or on line. I can’t wait to bond with them again and this time, with Makis!

All in all, everything is just so great. :) Tomorrow will be a very busy day because I am attending the ECG workshop. Wish me luck!

Till my next entry! <3

Why do you give?

I really admire those politicians, actors and actresses or other known personalities involving their selves in charitable institutions or donating whatever-they-want-to-donate for the less fortunate. Although, honestly, I can not help but wonder about their real motives with such good deeds.

Why do they give? Is it because they want to impress and to feel good about their selves? Do they want to gain more votes in the upcoming elections? Or because this is what they really wanted to do in their lives?

I heard a rumor (I don’t know if this is true since it is basically a rumor) about a politician who asked for the media to come with him (or her) and televise his/her so called charitable work. Haha! Funny… and pathetic.

How about you? Why do you give?

I remember what I learned from school. Our motives in giving should be pure and God-centered. It doesn’t need to be announced or to be bragged about. You give because this is what your heart tells you to do… In the Glory of God.

As I end this entry, let me quote what I have just read in the Daily Bread: “With your next good deed, ask yourself: If I knew that no one would ever find out that I did this, would I still do it?“

Stealing - an excuse?

Our helper went back to her province today. We all know about it because she already asked for my parents’ permission a month ago. But what we did not know is that she’s been stealing things and money from us since day 1 (I think) not until my mom caught her in the act.

My mom saw my bag that I bought from Vigan, my accessories with sentimental value that I covered with a zip-locked plastic and a new face powder given by my aunt, a dermatologist, in her bag. She confronted our helper about it. Our helper asked for forgiveness so my mom just ignored what she did and forgave her right away.

Since she has this history of stealing from us, before she went home, my mom did not hesitate to inspect her bag and clothes she’s wearing. Actually, my mom does that ever since to our helpers. You may think that it’s improper but that’s her rules, anyways. She’s just doing that to make sure that our helpers don’t steal anything from us even if it’s a single strand of a thread from our clothes. My mom is a generous person BUT you have to ask for her permission if you want to get something. Stealing is against the 10 commandments - that’s what she taught us since we were kids.

You know what my mom saw this time? A new cellphone, a money that’s worth P2,700.00, a pack of medicine tablets, my sports bra and othersss. My mom asked her where she got it. She lied the first time she was asked but with my mom’s follow-up questions, her answers became contradicting and so my mom got really suspicious. I swear, you really can not lie to my mom that’s why I grew up not lying to her because I know what she’s capable of. Haha! She’s the typical military-like disciplinarian parent. Anyway, back to the story. She insisted her to admit where she really got all those things and then finally, she admitted that she stole those from us. She brought a second-hand cellphone using the money she stole from my mom’s bag. The money that she stole, according to her, was worth P7,000. Whoa!

Now, everything’s clear. We already know the reason why our mom used to ask us about the money in her wallet because she can’t remember if she lost or misplaced it. Although I do not believe that that’s the only amount she stole from us, it’s good that she’s really scheduled to go home today because if it was extended, I am sure that there are more things that she can get from us. What a professional!

What’s really disappointing from what happened is that we treated her like a family. We did not make her feel that she’s a maid, a helper or a low person. My mom treated her like her own daughter and that was how she returned the gratitude. My mom actually wanted to send her to the police station but because she still pities her despite what happened, she just asked my dad to drop her off at the bus station.

When she left, my mom told us, “Kahit ganon ginawa nya sa akin, naaawa pa rin ako sa batang iyon. Siguro nagawa nya yun dahil nga sa hirap ng buhay nila… Kawawang bata.” I actually feel what my mom feels. I still pity her. I didn’t get mad at her, you know.

When I watch news about someone robbing the bank or snatching cellphone from a person, their reason is always because of poverty. For me, you can do a lot of things just to earn without committing a crime. If there’s a will, there’s a way. These people should put in their minds that they should not make such crimes an option to survive. Stealing is not an excuse. I hope our ex-helper and those people like her would repent about the bad things they have done in their lives and start anew.

I remember someone telling me this: “Hindi sa lahat ng oras dapat pairalin ang pagiging tama. Hindi sa lahat ng oras yun tamang gawin ang dapat mong gawin…”

I, of course, disagree. I have always believed in this saying, “Doing what is right is always the right thing to do.” And let me just add something: because every good and right things that you do will always come back to you…

Oh, Life!

Remember the mother who died for giving birth to a pre-mature baby? Well, the baby also died because of sepsis, uncontrolled bleeding and hepatomegaly, as far as I can remember. He died when I wasn’t on duty (enjoying my day-off at home). I never knew that I wouldn’t see him again. He prolly wanted to be with his mom. Wherever they are, I hope they’re both peaceful and happy. As for the mother and the grandmother, I hope that they would be able to move on and accept that life is unfair, but that’s just the way it is.

You know for the past few days, I have been complaining about my life again. Why do I have to have endometriosis? Why can’t I find the right job? Why do I have to suffer and face these challenges? But the thought of what happened to the mother and her baby makes me thankful (despite the problems) that at least God gave me the chance to live, to encounter depressing and blissful moments, to learn to value things that can not be bought by money, and to learn to love and to feel being loved by the most wonderful people on earth.

I might not get everything that I want now but someday, somewhere, I will fulfill all my goals and dreams… Just one step at a time… One step at a time…

Oh, Life! I still love you, you know…

Candy Fair 2008

As promised, I will be blogging about the event that happened yesterday, October 4, 2008, at AV Hall, Makati City.

It was my first time to attend a Candy Fair and when I and TJ went there, we were like “Ohmygod. Ang tanda natin para dito…” LOL. Most of the attendees were high school girls who flaunted their bonggang bonggangattires. I saw in their faces the excitement to see the Candy cuties, the bands, the celebrities and the Candy staff.

So when we got in, the aura of the place was verrrryyyy highschool-ish. Booths were everywhere! Too bad, the marriage booth was for the Candy cuties only because I wanted to try it out with TJ. Haha! Jail both was also present. I was “imprisoned” for committing this crime: wearing a headband. Every now and then, they would get girls who’s wearing this and that, y’know, the typical come-with-me-coz-you’re-wearing-insertanitemhere.  There were also stalls there where you could buy kikay stuffs, bags, clothes, etc. - in short, fashion items. I wanted to buy this long necklace but it’s too expensive… for my budget that day. Hehehe!

Another thing, there’s this message board or freedom wall - whatever you call it. At first, it was clean, and organized but I was really disappointed when I saw it later that afternoon. It was all black - literally. I did not expect that Candy girls would write over the written names or messages. I mean, what the heck, why did you have to do that? Don’t they have any respect or ethics? I thought they’re poised and all because of how they dress and look but that messy, vandalized-looking wall unleashed their jologs side in them.Haha. If they read this, I really do not care. I’m just telling the truth that it’s not really right to do that. Do you think the staff would be interested to keep it? How could they read your messages, in the first place?

Anyways, here’s my DS-ed (digital scrapbook) pics:



Next part, the awarding. :D

I approached Miss Macy (who’s veryyyy pretty in person, by the way) when I saw her. I asked her about the awarding and she told me to go back the stage at around 4pm. So TJ and I decided to eat outside the hall first. When we’re in the middle of our meal, Miss Macy texted me and told me to go back to the stage that very moment. Ohmygod. I seriously panicked. I did not enjoy my food, I swear. We went back to the venue as fast as we could because we thought the awarding will start right away. Unfortunately, it was delayed (or probably they just want us to be there that time so we could prepare or whatsoever). We, Sabrina (who’s really nice and I am so happy to meet her in person) and I, waited at the backstage with all these celebrities and Candy cuties that I just ignore. Haha. I told you, I just went there because of the awarding and not because I am after the cuties, unlike those Candy girls (peace!).

When the awarding started, I felt really nervous when they were talking about the blog awards. I prayed that they won’t interview me or something because I might stutter and I don’t want another most embarrassing moment to be added in my list. When they announced my name (thank God, they did not have any glitch with pronouncing it), I went up the stage, received my certificate, said thank you, smiled infront of the cameras, and said thank you again before I left. Hehe!

Here’s the DS-ed pic of the awarding ceremony:



Thanks Ada, Sabrina’s sister, for the pics. :)

Since the awarding was over, TJ and I decided to go home but we waited for some online friends first. While waiting, we saw Mikee Lee, who’s cute pala in person. I used to ignore him on TV and when I saw him in person, I hate to admit that I was starstrucked. Since my certificate didn’t have his signature that time (prolly because he’s late), I did not hesitate to let him sign it. He’s really nice. He remembered our blogs! Yay! Your resident nurse got really kilig while chatting with him. (Don’t get jealous, love. *grins*)

All in all, I honestly can not say that I had so much fun with the event but what made me really happy is that I was able to meet my online buddies in person. The first that I met was Jam, who’s a TeenTalker and a Lunatic member, as well. She’s an official photographer in the said event. I can’t wait to see the pics she took. Then second was Ana, the owner of Anagon Collections. I am happy that I was able to personally thank her with the accessories she sent me as a thank you gift for making her sister’s business a layout. Too bad, I don’t have pics with Jam and Ana. I forgot, I forgot. Tss.  Then I also met Jane and Gracie, my old TeenTalk buddies. I met them before but I was very happy to see them again. After the awarding, Bea, an old TeenTalk friend-slash-neice, approached me. Wow! After all these years, we have finally met and talked face to face! Bea’s now part of the Candy Council of Cool 8. I was so proud of her as a TeenTalk auntie when she told me she got in. Mheems, a COC8 member as well, approached me too and introduced herself. I did not know that she’s Mheems who I had the chance to talk to in TeenTalk. I also met my very makulit anak-anakan, Ayessa, who was sort of thrilled when she saw me. Haha! Cute Ayessa! I am happy that I met her too!

Another thing that made me happy is that I had the chance to talk and have pictures with the Candy staff. Well, not all of them. They’re so pretty, accommodating and nice. You know when I was in high school, I’ve always dreamed of working in Candy but was not able to  fulfill that because I chose the other path, medical field. Although it’s still an honor that they promoted me as a senior moderator in TeenTalk. I am happy with that already. At least, I get to talk or chat with them online. Hehe.

Here’s my DS-ed pics with the names I stated above:

 So that’s all. I can’t promise that I’ll be in the next Candy Fair but I am hoping to meet more online friends in person. I want to take this opportunity to thank all the Candy staff for the wonderful event and for the certificate. I also want to thank AGAIN all the judges, readers and voters during the contest. Thank you for supporting me and voting for me (and my blog) to win the People’s Choice category.

Till my next blog entry. Ciao!

P.S.

Please welcome my new hostee, Karizza. :)

P.P.S

New layout for NURSECISSISM! :D

Awarding at Candy Fair

Oohhhkayy. It will be my first time to go to the Candy Fair. Candy Fair is just like school fairs where bands play, candy cuties gather and booths are put up around the places. It will be held tomorrow and actually, I really do not have any plans of going there not until I received an email from Miss Macy.

They will be awarding us, winners of Candy Teen Blog Awards 2008, at the said event. Seriously, I was not “thrilled” about it. Seriously. Why? Because I was expecting a private dinner that they promised a couple of months ago. Although, I do understand their point because of the busy schedule of the judges. So tomorrow, I would be like facing the people just to accept my certificate for winning the People’s Choice category. I don’t know why I am so nervous about it. Maybe because I am not used to facing a crowd anymore. I mean, it was agesss ago when I last went up stage and performed. Haha. PLUS these are not just the normal crowd you know. Celebrities, models and other personalities would be there. Gahhhhddd. Nahihiya ako. HAHAHAHA. *inhale, exhale*

On the lighter note, at least I would be able to experience attending a Candy Fair at least once in my life. LOL. Ever since I became a moderator in TeenTalk, the members there always ask me if I’ll go and would follow up more questions why I’m not going. Hehehe! It’s really flattering reading messages that they want to meet me in person. Like hello? I ain’t a celebrity. I don’t even look like a celebrity. HAHAHA. One thing that excites me is to meet the ones I talk to over the net. I can’t wait to meet them in person.

So tomorrow will be the fair. I promise to blog about it and post some pics. Wish me luck. I hope I won’t fall off the stage or something. =))

Doctors Do Cry

There is a doctor that I really admire. She's not a Filipino but she decided to practice her profession here. I really admire her because she's really kind to us, trainees, and also to other staff nurses. She's very jolly and approachable unlike the other doctors who are snob. She even shared her love life problem to us.

One morning, we saw her crying after talking to our patient's grandmother. Our patient is the son of the mother who died in the delivery room. Please check my post, A Mother's Sacrifice, to know the story. The baby is still trying to fight for his life but he's bleeding here and there. I felt the pain she's feeling when she told the grand mom about the baby's condition. I, too, could not control my tears when ever I hear or tell stories that are really touching or sad.

I feel that this resident doctor would really be a great consultant someday. And I hope that she would be able to inspire more people like what she did to me.

Recognition and Improvement

Isn't it flattering when a person who has a higher position than you gives recognition to your hardships? I feel happy that my senior staff nurses appreciate what I do. I mean not all of them do that.

"Yan, si Xyla, magaling yan!"

"Kayang kaya yan ni Xyla!"

"Si Xyla pa?!"

I feel really flattered hearing those words but that doesn't mean that I am an airhead now. I still keep my foot on the ground, like what my mom always advise me. The only thing that I don't like is that they always assign me to "toxic" patients.  Haha!

We will be graduating from our training at the end of this month. I am so excited because I want to apply as a volunteer so that I can get hired there as soon as possible. I will be volunteering without pay for a month then I will be evaluated after that. If I passed their evaluation, they could hire me as an on call nurse. And then... I will be evaluated again before they would make me a regular staff nurse. That's the process. Is it long? I know right. But if I want to get hired, I have to have patience.

In my almost 3 months of training, I can say that I have improved in my nursing skills. I don't feel like I have butterflies in my stomach whenever I talk to the doctors anymore. I feel confident in what I do. Even if I am all alone, I think I could handle my patients now. Unlike before, I have to ask for my senior or clinical instructor's assistance.

I thank the hospital administration and the nursing service office for letting us handle our patients. Even though we know that one of the reasons that they are letting us to handle patients, unlike in the other hospitals, is that they are understaffed. Although I or we feel that we are just being used or taken for granted by some staff nurses, at least we learn. I learned a lot. And that's what matters.

If I will evaluate myself, without being biased, I can say that I am a better and improved nurse now apart from being a better person.

P.S.

Hey guys and girls. Want to win a 500$ cash and a 100$ worth of Nature Cure's products? Why don't you join their contest? Interested? Click this: Clear Confidence Face-off.  If you win in this contest, you can appear in some ads and the website's face of Nature's Cure. Just go to that website I indicated and follow the instructions. Deadline of passing of applications and requirements will be on the 30th of this month but you can check the site from time to time in case they would extend it. There is really nothing to lose in joining this contest so I encourage you to try it out as your stepping stone to getting known or being a model. :)

First Pay.

No. I am not yet hired but last night, I got my first pay as a nurse. I mean, I do have small-time business but nothing beats getting paid as a nurse. Although my "salary" is somewhat lesser than the minimum pay, at least somehow I felt being paid. Haha.

Last night, the trainees in Pedia Ward didn't show up so automatically, they pulled out the trainees from the other wards. We really hate being pulled out because the problem is that we might miss the "case". Since we are trainees, we are supposed to learn from our hospital experience. How are we going to learn if we won't see the important cases, right?

So yeah, I was pulled out as expected but you know where I was pulled out? At the hospital's owner's room. I was pulled out as a private duty nurse. They want someone who is responsible enough to handle the patient. At first, I didn't want to not because of my reason I stated above, but because "she" is "*her name here*". She is a well known pediatrian in the Philippines, the first Filipina who was able to study in Harvard and many firstssss. I forgot the others. Imagine the pressure on me. Haha. I was like, "what if she'll get dyspneic?", "What if something happens?" Hahaha. The supervisor assured me that she is stable. She's 96 years old, by the way.

Anyways, my night shift was okay. Since it is was a night shift, I was able to sleep for like 6 hours. Hahaha. I loved it. Although she woke up at around 12 midnight because she felt hungry. After her relative fed her, we went back to sleep. I woke up at around 4:30 am to prepare her other meds for the day and to complete the forms I have to fill-up.

She, my patient, is really nice. She even laughed while I was there although it scared me when she said that there's a kid with us even though it's the only three of us (me, her and her relative) who were there. CREEPYYYYY!!!

Before I went home, her relative handed me my payment for the whole shift. My other co-trainees envied me because of my "salary" and they said that if and when they would be pulled out as a PDN, they won't hesitate to go there. LOL

A Daddy's Excitement

If my previous entry talks about a touching story about a mother who gave up her life for her child that made you teary-eyed, I promise you that this entry will make you smile.

Isn't it cute seeing excited daddies outside the delivery room? I find them amusing. Really. Haha.

We're assigned now at OB Ward and the dads are the ones we usually talk to in the ward. There's this American guy, daddy A,  who seemed agitated because he can't wait to see his first child. On the other hand, daddy B kept on praying because her wife underwent caesarian section instead of the normal delivery. Different guys from different places. What makes them the same is the excitement in their hearts.

Seeing them reminds me of my father. Maybe he was as agitated as daddy A when I was born. I remember this picture of us when I was just a few months old. He was carrying and cuddling me with a big smile on his face.

I am really, really proud of all the daddies out there who work hard for their children to show their love, care and support. I also admire the husbands who do not leave their laboring wives. Guys may really look tough in the outside but deep down inside their heart, you will see a soft spot especially if we are talking about their wives and their children.

I wonder how fidgety or apprehensive TJ (my boyfriend) will be in the future... Hehe!

A Mom's Sacrifice

Last Monday, we had three different pregnant patients (who were all in labor). What really caught my attention was the last one who came before I went home. It was her first time to get pregnant... and she was leukemic.

The doctors already warned her, before, not to get pregnant but being stubborn and insistent, she continued her pregnancy. It's really difficult to get pregnant when you are leukemic. You have to take a risk.

So yeah, she took a risk. And you know what happened next? She sacrificed her life for her child. She died. She was supposed to undergo normal delivery but unfortunately, her baby's position is for caesarian section. She should not undergo the latter because she's prone to blood loss since she's leukemic. But how can she deliver it normally with her baby's position? The doctors knew what's going to happen. It's really risky. But what can they do? So during the procedure, she lost a lot of blood even if they're transfusing a bag already. She kept on vomiting blood and there was a tremendous oozing of blood all over her abdomen. There's no way out. It's all over.

They say that when a mother delivers her baby, her life is at stake. My mother almost died because of us. She had a hard time getting us out of her womb and I thank God that she's still alive.

I am really proud of that patient. Wherever she is, I know she is happy and will always guide her baby.

You know what makes me teary-eyed when I learned about her death? It's the last thing that her mother told her before she was transfered in the operating room. "Magiging mommy ka na anak mamaya. Kaya mo yan. Magdasal ka lang!"

It's just sad that she didn't experience being a mom.

*****

ADDENDUM (Sept 2, 2007):

I moved to a new host. Please tell me if you can't reply here in my comments thru my shoutbox. Thank you.

I am a mommy now!

-- that's what my patient told me...

AKALA NYO HA! Lol

Last Friday night, it was my first time to assist in a cesarian section. I know, I know. I looked stupid during the entire procedure. I did not know what to do. Haha. I asked my senior staff nurse to assist and to guide me because I did not want to get shouted at by the surgeon. But thank God, the surgeon was reallllly kind. I think he's gayish. LOL The assistant surgeon was not that friendly though.

I was so amazed how they opened her lower abdomen and how they got the baby out of it. Haha. Am I embarrassing? I mean, I am already an RN for 2 years, and it was only last Friday that I first handled one! How is that?! Haha. Actually, when I was still a student the only operation that I assisted was thyroidectomy. In case I haven't mentioned it here in my blog, now I am telling you. That is why I never got interested with OR. I didn't like my experience during my college years in the OR plus I had a minimal exposure in the said area.

Recalling what I have seen makes me think that God is really great! Wow.

And being a surgeon is nice too but... I still prefer to be a cardiologist or neurologist in case I pursued it to medicine. But as a nurse, my target is to be one of the greatest neuro-nurses or coronary care unit nurses. :)

Oh, Multo. Layuan mo ako.

We started our rotation in the Operating Room-slash-Delivery Room last Sunday. And you know what my co-trainee endorsed?

"Xy, mag-endorse lang ako sa'yo ha. Bale yung pinto dyan, nagbubukas mag-isa q2 (every 2 hours) at siguraduhin nyo lang na ang nagrarounds sa OB ward ay yun guard kapag gabi. Wala nang dapat iba pang nagrarounds."

Okay, that creeped me out.

I knew it that someone's going to show up during my OR-DR rotation. But I didn't expect that it will be on my first few hours in the OR. Haha. I saw a white lady passing by the recovery room. At first, I thought it was just one of the staff nurses. But ohmygee, none of us is wearing a white scrub suit. I kept quiet about what I saw because I didn't want to scare my co-trainees. I just told them when we got home. HAHA!

And then this morning, around 2 am, I heard a woman screaming. It sounded like a woman in labor. Our senior staff nurse was preparing OR instruments when we both heard that creepy scream. She asked me if I heard anything. I said, none. I lied because, again, I didn't want to scare the hell out of them.

So what's next? What will I see or hear next? Haha. FYI, I added up a new category: Hospital Mumu's - for my hospital ghost stories. LOL.

Oh, by the way, who's that lady reading my entry behind you? LOL. I am just kidding.

2.6.1

Ohkaaay. I just updated my wordpress' current version yesterday - from 2.5 to 2.6. And then here goes another message on top of this Write Post-area of Wordpress: WordPress 2.6.1 is available! Please update now. Haha. My website is so outdated. Sorry for not updating my other contents, etc. I am too busy to fix it because all I do when I visit my site's admin panel is just to blog.

Anyways, I am happy because I get to blog regularly for the past few days. Maybe I have so many stories to tell.

Last night was my last duty in Adult Wing. I thought I would be "benign" on my last day but I was wrong. I was assigned to 2 patients for the first 3 hours. Then our senior staff nurse asked me to get the initial vital signs of our newly admitted, 73-year old patient who has Acute Myeloid Leukemia. She was my patient before, actually. They recognized me as soon as I went inside their room. So when I checked her cardiac rate, I was shocked. 160 beats per minute, my goodness. Tachycardia. I immediately referred it to the resident doctor. He said, "I-Q1 mo na lang yun V/S, Ma'am." Let me translate it. Hehe. He told me to monitor her vital signs hourly. Hourly. Hourly. Holymacaroni. I hate hourly monitoring. It's tiring, especially if your patient is like kilometers away from the nurse's station.

I realized that I am going to handle her together with my other 2 patients. Thank God they are not as toxic as lola.

After 2 or 3 hours of monitoring, my patient's cardiac rate increased to 180. She has a bounding pulse and it really scared me. I was praying while taking her vital signs. I don't want her to die.

I was surprised that the resident did nothing on my patient. My gosh! My patient is having a tachycardia, doc! Aren't you gonna do something?!

At 1 am, my patient's consultant called over the phone and talk to me. He ordered to incorporate Potassium Chloride to my patient's current intravenous fluid. To tell you honestly, I was a bit nervous incorporating the said drug. Haha. Why? Because that is Potassium Chloride. It can kill if you give it thru IV bolus. I do not know what was into me that I got scared of it even though I did the right thing. Maybe I was tired or sleepy or something. Whatever.

2 am came when the consultant asked for an update. I told him that I have already incorporated the KCl. And then I told him about her cardiac rate. And you know what happened? He shouted. "ANO?! 180?! SIGURADO KA BA DYAN?! MAMATAY NA YANG PASYENTE MO! I-CARDIAC MONITOR MO PLUS PULSE OX. NGAYON NA! BILISAN MO!! BIGYAN MO NG LANOXIN 0.25mg IV BOLUS! GO! GO! GO!"

I sort of panicked. I swear.

The consultant asked me why we did not refer her to him. I told him that I updated the resident on duty every hour. And I soo hate the resident for not calling the consultant. >_<

My patient almost died because of his negligence. I did my part as a nurse. I even suggested if we could put him on a cardiac monitor and he said, we don't need it. Gosh. I really really wanted to cry right then and there. I was scared to lose my patient, you know.

You see, I hate it that some doctors blame everything on the nurses. We are just nurses. We follow what they instruct us. We have our own independent interventions but when it comes to treatment and diagnostic procedures, we should get the order from them. Sheesh.

I thank the Lord that before I went home, lola was stabilized. Whew!

What happened this morning was really an "action". But you know what, I loved it. I loved the action despite what happened. I've been asking God to give me one. I am so thick-faced to have these guts to ask God. HAHA.

You know why I love action? Because I learn from it... and it improves my knowledge, and skills.

I am tired.

Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I love being a nurse. Although there are times that I say why did I have to be a nurse, but at the end of the day, I am thankful that I am nurse.

I am just tired of dealing with people who always complain of what they do. In the first place, they chose this path. Right? The only solution to their problem is to deal with it.

One patient's relative got into my co-trainee's nerves. That patient was my patient, too, the other day and I did not experience such actions from that relative. They did not shout at me. Yeah, they are really demanding and I do understand that, but really, I did not experience being shouted by them.

I also have this patient who is post-operative. Her left leg was amputated - below the knee to be specific. Her family is really accommodating. In short, they really are kind to me.

I just noticed that those nurses who often complain about their patients or their patients' relatives are the ones who experience being shouted at or *include more bad experiences here*.

You know what they should do: to enjoy the work and to stop complaining.

Last night, when I went home, I realized that I love my job more than my co-nurses do. That is why every time I go home, I am happy and I feel fulfilled. Just like the quote that I received: "Fulfillment is not about getting all your hopes and dreams, it's about touching other people's lives..."

Tease me.

The nurse volunteers in the hospital just got hired. I am happy for them. Really. I even congratulated and teased them to treat us for lunch.

I can't wait to get teased in the future... Err. Double meaning. LOL

Rephrase. Rephrase.

I can't wait to get hired!

The Fast Drip Nurse

FACT: It is a nurse's responsibility to check the prescribed flow rate of intravenous fluids.

QUESTION: How will you react if you found out that there's a "nurse" who continually regulates the flow rate of IV's on a very fast drip?

FACT: Hospitals never ran out of ghosts and wandering spirits...

FACT: Yes, the fast drip nurse is not human.

We were on our night shift when the staff nurses told us ghost stories in the hospital. What really freaked me out is the so-called fast drip nurse.

Here's the story: A nurse regulated the IV flow rate of the patient to 10 drops per minute. The next day, the doctor shouted and asked who the hell regulated the IV and put it on a fast drip. The nurse who regulated the IV said that it was she who did it but it was on a KVO (Keep Veins Open). When the doctor asked the patient and his/her relatives, they said that it was the old nurse who did it, not the young nurse on duty. There's no old nurse in that hospital. The oldest is in her 40s. The relatives' description was like in her 60s.  Who could be that fast drip nurse that almost killed the patient?

Creepy.

*Credits to thermal-angel.net for the pic.

Don'ts to Remember

I received this quote and I find it very helpful so I am sharing it with you.

Nice isn't it?

Applying what I have shared doesn't hurt, so why not try it? I wish I could apply them too because I have noticed that I am getting impatient for the past few days. Haha!

Birthday Girl on Duty

Happy Birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday, Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to me!

Yey! I am officially 23! I am getting old, and unfortunately, I can't hide it! But I am flattered that people tell me that I don't look like my age! I look younger according to them. Oha oha! :P

I spent the first six hours of my birthday in the hospital. I was on a night duty yesterday. My shift is from 6pm to 6am. We were supposed to have a mini-party at the ER but too bad, I was pulled out in Pedia Ward because the trainees assigned there didn't show up. And what do you expect? The trainees who came suffered, including me!

Despite our frustrations, I still enjoyed my birthday there. I brought pancit bijon for the nurses and doctors. My mom actually insisted me to bring food there for a little celebration. And yeah, we had fun! We even took pictures! (See my multiply account for the pics.)

This evening, I'll be attending the mass to thank God for giving me another year. I'll be attending the mass with my boyfriend. (That's why I am blogging right now because I am currently waiting for him. Hehe!)

I just want to take this opportunity to thank all the people who greeted me thru text, forum threads, emails, etc. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that you remembered my special day.

Hmm. What else? Oh yeah, birthday wish! I wish that I'll get hired soon! Wish wish wish!!

Taking Advantage

Why are there some staff nurses who often take advantage of their trainees? Yeah, it's okay to ask us (trainees) a favor to do something for them especially if they are really busy but not to the extent that we will do everything for them while they are sitting pretty on their seats, and texting whoever they are texting with.

Some staff nurses/on call nurses are really getting into my nerves for the past few days but I just remained quiet because, what can I do, I am just a trainee.

Once I get absorbed in that hospital, I promise not to do the same thing.

And she died...

Last Saturday, I was really lazy to go to the hospital but I still woke up early because I don't want to be late in my training. As soon as I stepped my foot in the pediatric ward, I was surprised to see a girl in a stretcher being transferred to the PICU. She has so many contraptions - one on each extremity. I asked my senior what the case is and he told me, it's Dengue Stage 4.

This hospital is said to be the dengue center of the Philippines - meaning, most of the cases there are dengue. Actually, I've proven that since the case I usually handle is dengue, if not leukemia.

Mosquitos do not choose who they will suck. Anyone can be a victim of dengue but the kids are mostly affected by this.

If we are responsible enough, we will do anything to prevent ourselves from acquiring dengue. Sanity is number one on the list. Mosquito repellants don't hurt so why not try putting some on your body especially if you're in a rural area or you're going out on a trip.

Yes, at a very young age, the girl died. I didn't want to look at her relatives because I knew that I am going to cry. I actually controlled my tears from falling... I saved it up until I got home and talked to TJ and told him what happened.

When she was being revived by the doctors and her father was shouting and crying outside the intensive care unit, I really prayed hard. I told God to prolong the life of the patient because I know that she deserves to live, to see and to experience what life is. I am not saying that God did not answer my prayer... Maybe, that's what God plans for her. It's hard to accept that especially for her family, but what can we do? Hanggang dun na lang talaga siya... It's frustrating to not to know the reason behind that God's plan, but like what I always say in my entries, we should just have the faith.

Let's all thank God for the oxygen we are inhaling right now.

Amen.

Birthday Layout.

Hmm. All I can say is that I am gradually granting my birthday wish list! Teehee! I already got my new bag and flip flops! I still want to buy a new book. I am actually thinking if I'll save for the Twilight series or just buy Paulo Coelho's Brida first. I saw Brida in a bookstore last week and I think it's another fantastic work of Coelho. My sister's friends pronounce it as COOLIO. Of course, they're just joking around.

Other things that I would love to have for my birthday are e-cards/greetings, a new top and a new pair of sandals. Anyone wants to grant it? Hehe! And oh, I am also saving up for a scrapbook kit for some reasons. Hihi!

And now, here's one of my wishlist... a new layout. What do you think of it? Comments, anyone?

It's just a simple layout. As usual, I do not overdesign my layouts because I don't want my reader/s to get fed up with my blog because of a bonggang-bonggang design. I will put the credits here prolly within this week. I still need time to look for all the sites where I got my resources. Sorry for the delay!

About my training, today was my last day in Pedia ward. It was neither fun nor boring. Just a so-so day. This week, we will be assigned in ER... where all the action starts! Lol. I am just kidding. But I'd love to have some action!

Hmmm, this is a non-sense entry. Sorry!

Thanks again to those people who keep/kept on greeting me about the Blog Awards. Thank youuuu! I can't wait to meet my co-bloggers in person.

Oh well, this is such a randomshitty post. Bye for now.

Till my next entry!

Dealing with the MD's

You know what I hate in the nursing world? It's not the hectic schedule nor the night duties that cause me to have zits every now and then. It's dealing with the snob and air head doctors.

Grrr.

I was assigned in PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) last week. I was so happy because I really love working in the intensive care unit. I always gain knowledge every exposure in the ICU. I just got pissed when a doctor saw me inside the PICU and said, "Who is she? What is she doing here? Diba I told you not to assign trainees here?!" Wtf. I felt humiliated.

I encountered a number of doctors who are really snob but I am thankful that there are still doctors who are very accommodating and friendly.

I was wondering, haven't they undergone training when they were still junior interns or students? How will we, trainees, learn if they kept on assigning us to do vital signs? Wtf. Vital signs. I can do that even with my eyes closed! We want action. We want challenge. If you, doctors, want to work with competitive nurses, you should give us the chance to handle cases we haven't handled before. You should teach us and give us the inspiration to do our best and not scare us away every time we assist you.

If only I have pursued my dream to be a doctor, I assure you that I will treat the nurses and the patients right.

Sorry for the rant. Sorry! Teehee!

On the lighter note, I just want to announce that I won in the People's Choice category in the 2008 Candy Teen Blog Awards. =) Thank you for supporting me. I really owe it to you guys. *hugsssss*

I have a new haircut, by the way. I am back to my short short hair. LOL. It's still a bob cut but it's shorter than my usual bob.

First Two Days

Oh yes, I am back to blogging! I have so many stories to tell that I actually do not know how to start. HAHA. But I'll just make this entry simple and concise.

On my first day, I handled three pediatric patients. One has Burkitt's Lymphoma, the other one has Thalassemia and the last one has Dengue Fever. I pitied my patient with Burkitt's Lymphoma. He's so young to have that kind of disease. Actually, I do not know what kind of disease it was until I got home and researched for it. It's a cancer of the lymphatic system. I knew that he has cancer because he's moon faced (prolly caused by the Prednisone he was taking) and bald which is most likely caused by his chemotherapy. His sister is sooo jolly and every time I come inside their room, she always took pictures of me. HAHA! I asked his sister why she didn't come to school. She said that she wants to be with her kuya. Aww. What a sweet girl.

I find my Thalassemia patient very funny. Actually, he is already for discharge. But because of lack of funds, they can't pay their hospital bills. Sad but true. He knows all the doctors and nurses there. He even knows what time his vital signs will be taken. My thalassemic patient is really pale with very large abdominal circumference. Thalassemia is a problem in production of the proteins of hemoglobin in the blood. Most of the patients with thalassemia have severe anemia that is why they are required to have blood transfusion regularly. It's just sad to hear that my patient can't undergo blood transfusion regularly because they do not have the money for cross matching. I had a lot of funny experiences with this patient. One of those is when I took his blood pressure. And you know what he told me? "90/60 nanaman yan. Ate, dito mo lagay yan... (while putting the diaphragm of the stethoscope on his arm)" Hahaha! Another one is when he asked me if I have a cellphone because he was so eager to call his father and ask him to buy him a food.

Him: Ate, may cellphone ka ba?
Me: Oo, bakit?
Him: Globe or Smart?
Me: Globe. Bakit?
Him: Text mo nga papa ko. Nagugutom na kase ako!

Hahaha! Ang kuliiiittttt!

My third patient, the one with dengue fever, is a nursing graduate who just recently took the board exam. Now I know the feeling of having a patient who's also a nurse. I kinda got conscious of what I was doing since I know that she is aware of why I am doing such interventions. I realized that I should not be worried with what I am doing if I know that what I am doing is right. And I also realized that nurses should not only be conscious if the patient has knowledge in nursing or in any medical field but also in all other patients because patients are patients and they all deserve the right kind of treatment and nursing care we should render.

On my second day, I handled toxic patients because I had to monitor them hourly. I handled two very young patients. One has an unknown viral infection (yet) and the other one has acute leukemia. I got really sad for my leukemic patient. She's a sweet girl. I know that God has plans for her even though deep inside my heart I know that a girl like her doesn't deserve this. I was on a graveyard shift and surprisingly, I was awake for the first 9 hours. Haha! Our shift is from 6pm to 6am. Thanks to caffeine and to my toxic patients.

Like what I said in my previous post, I am thankful that I grew up normally with little health problems (you know how sickly I am. Hehe!). I just wish and hope that when I bear my own child, he/she won't get sick like my patients because I know how hard it is for my future child. I'd rather bear my endometriosis for life rather than see my future child suffer.

You know, when I told my mom about my patients, she said "Thank you Lord" upon hearing my story. I know that a suffering of a child is duplicated with a tormenting feeling on the part of the parent/s. That is why even if you're sick of what I am saying how thankful I am, I keep on blogging about this because this is one of the ways I can express my gratitude to the Lord.

Another thing that makes me thankful is that my parents are celebrating their 27th anniversary tomorrow. They have undergone so many trials when this year started but their relationship and their love for each other remained strong. As a tribute for my parents, I made this simple art to show my love for them. Happy Anniversary Mama and Papa!

Now, let me ask you... Sino kamukha ko?! HEHE!

30 days to go.

Wow. Time flies by so fast. I am turning 23 in 30 days! Four years to go and I will finally get married! HAHA. Joke. Seriously speaking, I plan to get married on my 27th year... Let's just wait for TJ to propose to make my dream come true. Hehehe.

I like this work of mine. It's so cute. =D Credits to Google, Deviantart and other digital scrapbooking sites. I forgot where I got them because I just randomly downloaded kits in every sites I visited. I promise to put my resources soon!

Yesterday, we talked about Leukemia as part of our training orientation. The doctor who lectured said that there is a little percentage of survival for leukemia unless these leukemic patients comply with their chemotherapy. Rich leukemic patients do survive because they have the money to pay for the said treatment... but for the poor ones, most of them just wait for someone with a good heart to donate funds for their treatment because they can not afford it, or worse, just deal with the disease and die.

I suddenly remembered my patients in a public hospital when I was in my senior year in Nursing. I had three leukemic indigent patients... Where are they now? Are they still alive?

You see, I really do not like in a pediatric ward because I hate stubborn kids, especially when it comes to administering medications (Haha!) but still, part of me wants to make them happy and to give them time that they deserve especially these kind of patients. These patients are deprived of living a normal life because of their limitations in activities. Seeing these kids makes me thankful that I did not experience what they are going through right now. I must be thankful that even though my mom did not buy me a doll house that I have always wanted, at least I had a normal life when I was a child - I enjoyed running on the streets, trying to climb a tree, playing with my neighbors, and etc.

I remember what the doctor said about the Leukemia Foundation she endorsed to us. "You don't have to give money to these patients... Time is enough for them to make them happy..." So as part of my birthday plans, I decided to volunteer for the Leukemia Foundation (I do not know what it is called but it is a organization that aims to help children with leukemia.) I will be inquiring tomorrow after my duty. I plan to go there on my off days. I have thought that by doing this, I am not just being productive in my life but also, I am helping kids by giving them the support and attention that they need.

Before I'll sign off, I would like to share you the last message that the doctor told us. This message is for the student nurses and nurses who are reading my blog. (Not in exact words) "You must be thankful for your patients because they are the ones who teach you. You learn from them. So treat them right and give them the nursing care that they deserve...."

Busy bee.

Okay. Sorry for not updating. I really lack time now. Why are there only 24 hours in a day?! Can't it be extended!? Oh well. Here are some quick updates:

1. I met new friends in my training. :)

2. Someone just insulted me! Grr. The story goes like this:

Her: Nakapasa ka ng NCLEX?
Me: Hindi po eh. Minalas po kase ako.
(then the girl behind her asked if I passed)
Her: Di ka siguro nag-aral kaya ka bumagsak! (with a giggle)
Me: (Wtf?! Who are you to insult me infront of these trainees??!) Actually nag-aral ako. Nagreview ako ng mabuti. I even passed all our mock exams. It's just that minalas ako that day. *grins*

Grrr... And then the next thing I know... she's an NCLEX passer.

You know, if I were an NCLEX passer, I wouldn't have done that to someone who did not pass. And excuse me, Miss... I didn't fail the exam. It (the result) said, I NEARLY PASSED. >_<

3. I'll be assigned in the Pedia Ward next week. Gahhh. I hate that ward. HAHA! The most toxic of all in the hospital.

4. TJ gave me chocolates and a diary-slash-scrapbook last Monday. He's so sweet. <33

5. I am out now to study. tooooot. FLAT LINE! =D

Kthnxbye.

Trainingggg!

I am officially a trainee now in a hospital here in Quezon City. The hospital isn't as prestigious as St. Luke's, Capitol, or The Medical City, but.. what the heck! I don't care. What's important is that I would be able to practice my profession. =)

I paid the training fee this morning in the hospital. For some who do not know, before you get hired, you have to undergo training without pay nor allowance. In fact, you will be the one to pay for that training program. My parents have actually spent thousands in the training programs, workshops and seminars that I attended for the past two years. Mahal talaga ng nursing o!

I was told by the OIC in the Nursing Service Office that the trainees will be ranked based on their performance, attitude and exam results. That is their criteria for hiring nurses. Now, this means competition! Haha! I am just kidding. I am really excited to meet new friends, to learn more new things and to go back to my true working environment. Of course, I really have to do my best in this training program so that I'll be hired easily.

The program will be held for three months and we will be on a shifting schedule. The OIC asked me if my schedule is flexible. I said yes even though I hate graveyard shift. Gahhh. I am a morning person, not a midnight monster. Lol.

Oh, by the way, I found a cute digiscrapped calendar... This is my June 2008 calendar which is a bit late already.

I just don't get it why my face is there. HAHA. Kidding!
Credits to: Scrapadelic

That's all for now. I can't wait to wear my new white uniform and shoes! Weee!

P.S.
There's a new goal that I want to achieve: to be one of the best Pinay digiscrappers and to be able to make my own digital scrapbooking kit. The latter is impossible for now. HAHAHA!

Self Booster

Whenever you encounter problems, obstacles, or trials, what do you do to comfort yourself? Do you eat, read books, splurge your money on something, sleep, talk to a friend, or just pray?

Every time a person approaches me and asks for an advice, I always tell that person to learn to stand up and to boost his or her self that he or she can get through it. In life, it is expected to encounter problems. Life would not be called life if there are no sad moments. Of course, we want to be happy always but I think it would really be boring if there are no twists and turns in our life. Do you agree? We must always remember, though, that whenever we encounter problems, we should not let ourselves stay on that dark spot. It's okay to grieve and to cry but do not let yourself eaten by a monster in that dark moment of your life, you know what I mean? Learn to fight and to move on. Life's like that. Life is tough... but prove them you are tougher.

To answer the question I asked above, I read inspirational books and the Bible whenever I encounter dilemmas. I also do some artworks to relieve stress. I do digital scrapbooking when I am in front of the computer or just color my coloring book (Precious Moments) when I am offline. HAHA. I am just a kid at heart. =D

Last Friday (June 6), I attended the first Friday mass at Caritas. Since it was my last day at Caritas, I joined my bestfriend's parents to hear the word of our Lord. I was so strucked by the message of the priest. It's all about trusting God whenever we're down. It was like the mass was really meant for me. The priest also mentioned about his habit - whenever he reads a good verse in the Bible, he writes it down on a piece of paper and post it in his altar. He even said that his altar is full of posted papers with Bible verses on it. It gave me an idea about my planned bulletin board in our bedroom. I was actually planning to make a bulletin board in my room agesss ago. (Remember my corkboard layout in my blogspot before?) So last Saturday, I decided to do what I have planned. I bought a medium-sized corkboard, a box of push pins and a pack of pastel colored papers. I, then, started designing my bulletin board last Wednesday. I am not finished with it though. You know, every time I see it, I feel so inspired because of the posted Bible verses and quotes that I like. And so I called it, my self booster. Here's a digiscrapped sample of my self booster:

Isn't it nice? (Credits to TeenTalk for the "Creative Corner" phrase.)

You can also try this at home if you want. *winks*

Happy Anniversary/Birthday, Lunatic Forum!

June 9, 2007 is a memorable date for me. This is the day when Lunatic Forum, my own online community, was reborn. Although I made LF two years ago, it was only last year when it started to go on its way to success. My forum is not as big as the other forums online but I am really, really proud of it and the members I call, loonies.

It was March 2006 when I started conceptualizing about Lunatic Forum. I actually put up my first forum when I was in third year college. Its name was Raved Forum but since I got busy in school, I kind of neglected it and the server just went down. So two years ago, I thought of bringing that forum back again but this time, with a new name. I called it Lunatic Forum because first, I love Psychiatric Nursing and I want to use the psychiatric disorders I was reviewing that time as forum ranks and positions. Second, I believe that we usually unleash our insanities when we are with our true friends or best friends. The reason why I like administrating a forum is because I want to meet more new friends online, to help people in the best way I could and to have a place in the cyber world which I can call my home.

I don't think LF would have made it this far if not because of Grace, my not-just-an-online best friend. She was the one who presented to buy a domain and web space for my forum because LF kept on having errors in some free sites. (FYI, LF's current server is our 6th. HAHAHA!) I was really touched about her concern for me and for the forum. After a number of ways of insisting me, I finally said yes. Hehe. Then exactly one year ago, Lunatic Forum got its own domain and web space in the online world. That's why we are officially celebrating its birthday-slash-anniversary on this date.

People say that "it's just a forum" but for me, it's not. As I have said, I have found my home in this online community. I found my TRUE friends and I got closer with my other online friends from other forums through this Lunatic. I did not know that LF would make such a big impact in my life. Now, I could say that LF is part of my life and my system.

As an administrator, I experienced being criticized about the way I handle it. I do accept all those constructive criticisms because I know that it will help me to improve my leadership skills. And I am very thankful that despite all those things that have happened that tried to bring me down, I have remained a strong leader. I believe that a good leader is also a good listener. That is why whenever people in my forum give suggestions, I take it into consideration. I always do everything to reach out to my "subordinates" because I know that my members also contributed something in my forum's success. I am not the best leader I could think of but I guess, I can say that I am an improved leader ever since Lunatic was reborn. I really owe it to this online community.

To everyone who has been part of Lunatic Forum - whether you were banned/suspended or you left - and who remained loyal, THANK YOU. I wish that someday, somewhere, I would be able to meet each loonies that became part of and touched my life.

Cheers to all the loonies out there! Happy birthday-slash-anniversary!

P.S.

Not a loony yet? Why don't you join now? I assure you that insanity is normal in this place. =P

Early Resignation

Okay. This might shock you but tomorrow will be my last day in my first job. Why? What happened?

Yesterday, I received a text message that I have a schedule for a qualification exam in a hospital. I asked my supervisor and the head of the department where I was assigned if I could take the exam in the morning. Fortunately, they said yes.

So this morning, I took the exam. It's like an NCLEX- type of exam. I did not review but I was supposed to review for that exam because I wanted to go back to my real world, the hospital. The first part was easy, while the second one caused my nose to bleed. Haha.

When I was called after the exam, I was surprised that I got a very high score and they offered me immediately to undergo training this 23rd of June. I told them that I am currently employed and I asked them if I could just undergo the said training on September so that I could at least work for more than a month in the company. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to be part of the September batch because I am their first priority. What?! Haha. First priority?! Is that for real? LOL

Ten applicants took the exam and I can not believe that I am their first priority. My newly found friends, my co-applicants, told me that they weren't offered to undergo the training. They were only told to wait for their call or text message. WOW.

This was the biggest decision I have to make. I wanted to take this opportunity to undergo the training and to work in the place where I truly belong. And so when I went back to Caritas, I told them my situation. I was sort of scolded because of what happened. But I just accepted the words they said... What's done is done. I can not let this pass. Of all the hospitals that I have applied in, this is the only hospital that made a response. Why would I ignore this opportunity, right?

So tomorrow, I will pass my resignation letter and will receive a memo from the HR saying that I did not complete the 30-day-policy which was indicated in the labor code, as told by the head of the said department.

Hay. I hope that I made the right decision....

Gosh. I can't wait to wear the white uniforms again! =D

P.S.

I will get back to your comments this weekend. Thanks for visiting my blog always. =)

P.S.S.

I made it to the finals in the Blog Awards! This time I am under Best Over All Blog and People's Choice. Please continue supporting. Thank you!!

1st Job. :)

Good news! I will start to work on Monday. Wee! I am so excited. I thank the Lord for listening to my prayers. :) I actually bought a new top a while ago para bonggang bongga ang entrance. Haha. Just kidding.

I do not know what to expect on my first day but I am preparing myself to meet new people with different personalities. I hope I could get along with my office mates easily. I don't have a hard time though in befriending people, I think that is sort of my forte. Hehe.

I am so excited because after two years of finishing my degree, I finally got hired but I am still praying that someday, I'll be able to work in the hospital so that I would have the chance to apply abroad because a working experience is required in Australia, New Zealand and Canada. I decided not to pursue my American Dream because of the retrogression thing. I decided not to pursue to medicine as well because I feel like it is too late even though people tell me that I still have time to take it. I just decided to take Master's Degree in Nursing probably this year or next year so that I could teach nursing students in the future. I think that is my final decision. Good luck, Xyla. =D

*****

I totally forgot about the Candy Teen Blog Awards because I was busy with the requirements in my work plus fixing my forum because we are celebrating our 1st year anniversary. Actually, I made the forum two years ago but we only had our own space last year. Thanks to my bru, Gracie.

Anyways, I'll just plug. =D
If you think that I deserve to win for the People's Choice category, then support me in this contest by voting online or texting CANDY BLOG AWARDS NURSECISSISM to 2948. You can also put this one in your blogs for additional support:
<center><a href="http://candymag.com/blogawards/vote" mce_href="http://candymag.com/blogawards/vote" target="_blank"><img src="http://img392.imageshack.us/img392/3748/support01kw1.png" mce_src="http://img392.imageshack.us/img392/3748/support01kw1.png" border="0"></a><br /><b>Please support <a href="http://nursecissism.com" mce_href="http://nursecissism.com">Xyla De Vera</a> by clicking on the image and look for the word NURSECISSISM. Thank you!</b></center>

Please support Xyla De Vera by clicking on the image and look for the word NURSECISSISM. Thank you!

And oh, please support my favorites too!
The princess in jeans by Catherine for Best Written Blog
Liza's Online Journal by Liza for Best Written Blog
Bottled C0cofrap by Tric for Best Written Blog
Stereo-love.co.cc by Gyk for Best Blog Design
xsabrina.chic productions by Sabrina for Best Blog Design
Juicelog by Darwin for Best Boy's Blog
Kaakaams by Kamille for Best Overall Blog
Kiss the stars with me by Xty for Best Use of Photography
Frantic Freeways and Chunks of Monkey by Chang for Best Blog Name