The Attack of Endometriosis

In the evening of April 11, while I was preparing my stuff for our outing the next day, I suddenly felt an excruciating pain in the right lower quadrant of my abdomen radiating to my back and spreading to my right leg and thigh. Pain scale is 11/10. It was intense. I had to rush to our institute's emergency room for medical consultation.

In the emergency room, I felt disappointed of the nurses who were on duty. Due to frustration, I vented out on my iPad while I was in the hospital. I plan to print it out and submit it to our new chief nurse. Here's a part of the letter:

What disappointed me is that, the entire time that I was on the stretcher crying and suffering from excruciating pain, not a single ER nurse dared to ask me what is going on. They just kept on passing by the stretcher where I was. I understand that this is an emergency room and that everything is fast paced but I assume that I am not the kind of patient that could be categorized as the least priority because I was in so much pain. My pain is scale is even more than 10. I was curling up on that stretcher, crying out loud. I even had to ask my father to follow up every now and then.
 It's kind of frustrating in my part because I am a nurse too. I am not a perfect nurse but I make sure that when I see a patient who's suffering from pain, I approach him/her just to calm him/her down. In that way, the patient will feel that he/she is safe and that he/she is being taken care of. I hate to say this but I didn't feel any of that from them while waiting for the doctor's order. In school, we were taught that the immediate and independent nursing care for a person who is in distress is to give a calming and relaxing environment. And yes, therapeutic touch works too.
 I have been in and out of the hospital as a patient for how many years. I have been suffering from endometriosis since 2007, migraine and chest pain since God knows when... I have been rushed to the emergency room for how many times and I hate to admit this but I think that the ER nurses in other hospitals where I was rushed are better than the ER nurses we have here. I felt safer there than here. I can't help but compare. That's the reason why I saw what they have been lacking. I don't want to generalize. I don't want to judge them because I don't know what these nurses are going through and like what I said, I am a nurse too so I know how busy their lives are. What I am trying to point here is the lack of concern when I was there. I don't know... Is it because they know that I am a nurse? Did they put in their minds that I know how to handle myself? I don't think that's the right reason because in that situation, I am a patient suffering from pain not a nurse scrutinizing them.

 One more thing, I had an encounter with a rude medical intern in that same place. For the record, I have undergone too many ECGs (I have a mild heart illness that I haven't followed up for years.) and this is the only time that a MALE medical intern would do the procedure. I requested for a FEMALE intern and this is our conversation:

Me: Pwede po bang babae na lang mag-ECG sa akin....
MIOD (Medical Intern On Duty): Diba employee ka naman dito?
Me: Oo, staff ako ng N5.
MIOD: Oh.. alam mo naman na yun e. Nurse ka naman. Doctor naman ako. Anong problema dun?
Me: Eh doctor (we call them doctor even if they aren't licensed yet), eh nakakahiya naman at lalake ka.
MIOD: E di wag! *walks out*

How rude! Dafuq. If only I wasn't in pain that night, I could have thrown him my phone. Anyway, I got his name and mentioned in the Patient Satisfactory Survey Form about what he did.

Now let me talk about my illness... So everybody knows that I have endometriosis and I was diagnosed in 2007. I have undergone operation for two times, one was elective and the other one was emergency. In 2010 and 2011, I felt okay. Although, I suffer from monthly dysmenorrhea which I think is inevitable in my situation. My fault is that when I started working in the hospital, I failed to follow up. So this is a lesson for everybody with a chronic illness, it is a MUST to follow up.

In my ultrasound, it showed that I have a cyst again on my LEFT ovary. My RIGHT ovary is normal even though I feel the pain at the right side of my abdomen. I was referred to a new OB because my previous OB can not attend to her patients for the mean time because she is on a training right now. My OB told me that I need to go back to my pills. I stopped it in 2010. I told her that I stopped it because of my breast lumps. So she opted me to undergo breast ultrasound for clearance. On that same day, I also underwent ultrasound of the whole abdomen also for surgery clearance... In my breast ultrasound, it showed a LOT of nodules. Ten nodules in both of my breasts. Thank God, they are benign... but I still have to monitor them. We don't know what will happen next. In my whole abdomen ultrasound, it said that I have adenomyosis which is related to my endomtriosis... And that probably caused all these pain I felt.

So for the treatment, my OB said I have to get 3 shots of GnRH which I had a few years back. It costs Php 8,000 every shot back in 2007. I had 4 shots then. Now, I have to get 3 shots every month and then proceed to the contraceptive pills. I don't know how much this GnRH costs now but it definitely costs a fortune for a nurse like me who is not really well paid here in our country.

The other treatment which takes a lot of contemplating is to GET PREGNANT. Since 2007, my first OB told me that this is the best option. I am not ready to get pregnant yet. I mean, to get pregnant is probably exciting but after that, what will happen to the baby? I don't want to bear a child just because I have to. What will I feed her? I am not yet financially stable to have a family of my own. PLUS, I still don't want to give up my singlehood. Hahaha! I still have a lot of dreams to fulfill and goals to achieve. If a baby comes into my life, everything will change. Not that I don't want to be a mother... Of course, I want to be a mom... but at the RIGHT time. But then again, if I plan to get pregnant years from now... I might have a hard time conceiving.

Anyway, it's already 11 am... I need to prepare for work. Yes, I'm back to work. I only had 2 days of rest here at home. I'm not losing hope. I've read in some forums that they still got pregnant when they were 30+. Let's pray for that.

Mau, Andrea and Jinkee (my closest friends in N5) paid a visit after their outing. Yes, I wasn't able to attend our summer outing because of what happened.

Long VL Diaries: Day 12 - 13

Day 12

This was the day that we had to leave Pagudpod. I didn't want to leave yet but it was really time to go. :( /cries

Before we went back to La Union we had numerous stop overs to buy pasalubongs and souvenirs for friends and for ourselves. We ate breakfast at Batac, Ilocos Norte where the famous Ilocos empanada is being sold.

I wondered what's the craze about this empanada until I saw the ingredients: egg, longganisa and some monggo sprouts. It's different from the usual empanada I buy at work (ham and cheese empanada, chicken empanada, etc).

Kuya deep frying the empanada

Other stuff they sell

Add caption

Recommended empanada in Batac

Yummy!

We also ordered longganisa

 You should really try it. I ordered for double double: 2 eggs and 2 longganisa. It costs Php70. But if you order for special, it only costs Php 35. :) Buwis buhay talaga yun double double. If you're hypertensive, I think you better settle for the special empanada na lang. Hehehe.

Next: Vigan. We've been here before. It was sad because we didn't go to the Heritage Plaza. I was hoping I could take pictures of the old infrastructure. We only had our stop over at Marsha's delicacies. The best ang leche flan!


Then we went to Baluarte as well where all the wild animals of Governor Chavit Singson are. In fairness, ang yaman niya!

The place is like a zoo so nothing special to write about except this is where I bought the halo-halo that caused me my loose bowel movement. On our way back to La Union, I suddenly felt the gastric pain that made me uncomfortable during our travel. When we arrived in La Union, I rushed to the toilet and pooed. I didn't want to take Imodium but because we're travelling back to Manila, I was forced to take a capsule. Whenever you have an LBM, it's best that you don't take Imodium at first. You need to let it all out! Hehe. Make sure you hydrate yourself more to replace what you've lost.

We were home at 12:30 am with two stopovers due to my LBM.

Day 13


I tried to observe myself first before I asked my father to rush me to the emergency room of our hospital (where I am working). I couldn't take the stomach upset anymore. I was actually hesitant to ask my father a favor at 2 am because I know he's tired from driving but there was no choice.

In the emergency room, I told them that I am an employee. It was a co-trainee back in 2010 (now an ER staff) who took my initial vital signs and data. Unfortunately, I was disappointed of the staff. I know that I am a nurse who knows the stuff that they do so me being a patient is not their priority because I'm just having a fucking LBM. It's always a prioritization in the hospital, remember? But... If I didn't tell them I was having gastric pain, no one would approach me. I just slept there for an hour. I was asked to pass a specimen for fecalysis/stool exam but to no avail. And then I told the resident on duty that I needed something for my pain (I'm quite a drug dependent... I mean for pain relievers) but she told me that they can't give me for now because they wanna know the result of my fecalysis first. Sad... I went home with a specimen cup and tongue depressor and a prescription of Hydrite and request for fecalysis which I was advised to pass as OPD.

At 10 am, I finally got to pass a specimen for the fecalysis. I went to the nearest clinic for a checkup and fortunately, the result said that I don't have an infection. It's just that maybe my stomach wasn't able to tolerate the milk or maybe the other ingredients of the halo halo. The doctor prescribed a few medicines that I would take for 2 days. Sadly, for Php25 worth of halo-halo, I spent Php900.00 for my treatment.

Of Thumping Sounds, Unlimited Yang Chow Rice and Organic Products

What a long blog entry title.

Today, I was scheduled for my Brain MRI with MRA of the cerebral vessels. My sister accompanied me as insisted by my parents and bribed by me. Haha! She didn't want to go with me at first because she doesn't like waiting but my parents didn't allow me to go alone so she had no choice. Anyway, we arrived early at the hospital which somehow let me emotionally prepare for the procedure. Lolz. After signing the papers and paying at the cashier, the MRI personnel lead me to the MRI room. Their MRI machine looks like this:



I wore this  football-helmet-like head gear to immobilize my head during the procedure. After I lied down, the bed moved inside the circular thing. I had to keep myself from moving during the scanning. I felt bored because I lied there for thirty minutes. What bothered me is the thumping sound. It sounded like an audio mix of shooting gun, moving train and ongoing construction drill. It was irritating.

After the procedure, the doctor took my medical history. He told me that I had to undergo this procedure just to check if I have aneurysm. I hope it's negative from any abnormalities. =S

About the bribe, I treated my sister at Mr. Chow in SM North Edsa. It's a Chinese fast food chain that offers unlimited Yang Chow rice for only P98.00.

Si ate, kung makacleavage, nangiinggit! Haha!

The rice topping I ordered is spicy pork rib. I missed milk tea so I bought my drink from Bubbatealicious. Strawberry isn't available so I ended up buying Royal Milk Tea which is just a plain milk tea. It tastes good but I still prefer the flavored one.



I asked for extra chili (siling labuyo) because I can't taste the viand's spiciness. Haha! I love extra spicy foods. I ate some of it with the viand. The waiter who gave this to me looked surprised while he watched me munching it.

The girl who enjoyed the bribe. My sister!

We went to TriNoma to buy Organic Products from Sessou. I've been getting addicted to organic soaps so I hoarded again today. I'm using Tomato and Lime Soap in the morning for my face as a pore tightener then Charcoal Soap in the evening to get rid of dirt and to clear my face. After two weeks of using it, I can say it's really effective! My skin is smoother now. I'm saying bye bye to my Shulammite Carrot Soap for the mean time.



In the picture above, I bought Banana and Milk soap for my mom for her dry skin, Tomato and Lime Soap for my dad's oily skin and Calamansi soap for me and my sister's body. I also bought a Natural Deodorant and Lemongrass Facial Toner.

Before writing this entry, I took a shower and tried the Calamansi soap. It's really refreshing. You guys should try it. :) I also tried the deodorant which smells good. It didn't give me the "icky" or sticky feeling since it's a spray. Lastly, I sprayed the Lemongrass Toner on my face. I love it. I love the smell. :) It's good because it doesn't contain alcohol. I hope everything will cooperate with my skin since I'm sensitive with some products. I plan to buy more organic products in the future. I'm enjoying my Organic experience. :)

New Things

Today is my second day of another week for sick leave. Yes, I know right. Parang wala na akong pinasok sa buwan na ito. But this is for myself... Even if I don't want to take a leave from work, I have to.

This morning, I went to see a neurologist for my persistent head ache. She asked me to undergo Brain MRI with MRA for cerebral vessels. This is to check if there are any abnormalities in my brain that cause the head ache. For the mean time, she prescribed me antibiotics because she suspects systemic infection that causes the head ache. I plan to undergo the MRI within this week, maybe tomorrow... I really wish this is not really serious especially that just two days ago, my colleague told me about a girl who died from cerebral aneurysm. This undeniably affected me. :(

On a lighter note, I got to see my boyfriend today after two weeks. He was busy at work and his dad came home from the states so he barely had the time to see me when I was sick. As much as I want to demand him to see me, I cannot do that as his work really takes most of his time. I understand him though because it's for his future (or for our future).

So anyway, this entry won't take long. I'll just post some pictures of the new things I got today. Since his dad came home from the states, I was surprised that I got more than the usual chocolate pasalubong from them.



I received a watch, two cute tops, a VS cologne and a Cover Girl face powder. I really love the watch that they gave me. It's gorgeous! :)



This is TJ's gift to me. Prolly because we're turning 3 years and 6 months tomorrow. It's really cute. Though I don't really fancy stuff like this, I really liked it. :) He bought this from the Toy Con 2011 yesterday at Mega Trade Hall in SM Megamall.



Finally bought Human Nature Shampoo and Conditioner. So excited to try this after logging out. :D Oops, I can see strands of hair on my bed. It shows that I really need to use this organic products STAT!

So those are just the new things for today. I'll end this entry with a photo of me and my boyfriend. I look so messed up in this picture. And... why am I smiling like that?! Haha! In this picture, we were quite surprised because I didn't know that my phone's camera's flash was set on.

8 hours of work tonight...

What a blessing in disguise... I took a nap this afternoon to prepare myself for the supposedly 12-hour duty tonight (7 pm to 7 am the next day) but upon waking up, I read a text from a colleague that they were able to get a "pull out" (a reliever) from another ward. No need to come at 7 pm. My work starts at 11 pm. Yay!

Our ward is obviously understaffed and I can't fathom why the administration can't give us additional staff. To compensate with the staffing problem in our ward, some of us have to work over time. It's okay if we have few census but we usually have the most number of census in the hospital. I hope that someday they would finally grant us our request as this staffing problem causes burn out.

Anyway, I am not blogging about the issues in the hospital. This entry is about my health. Last night, I had the worst migraine ever. I took Dolcet (Paracetamol + Tramadol) while I was at work so I can function effectively. It worked for a few hours but at 10 pm, I felt my head was going to explode. Thank God my patients weren't as demanding as the others. I was able to finish my tasks at an earlier time so I had the opportunity to rest.



On my way home, when my dad picked me up at the hospital, I felt nauseous.  I wanted to bang my head on our car because of the head ache. If only we could apparate, I would have asked my dad to do that. As soon as we got home, I went to the comfort room to vomit. It's my first time to vomit due to head ache. I couldn't take the pain anymore. :(  I went to sleep as soon as I finished taking a shower. I also drank 2 tablets of Tylenol PM Dose before sleeping. It has 500 mg of acetaminophen + 25 mg diphenhydramine each tablet. That's what I usually take when I have migraine in the evening.

Today, I woke up with slight head ache. That's the reason why I said it is a blessing in disguise because I still don't feel well. At least, I still have time to rest and alleviate the head ache.

Next week, I promise to consult a neurologist because I noticed that my migraine is getting worse. I also need to undergo CT scan for this. I really hope it's not really something serious. The thought of having to lie under a big machine scares the hell out of me.



Sigh. Why do I have to go through a lot of physiological pain? I'm probably really, really stressed. :(

Note: Images were Googled.

Dengue Diaries

Who would have thought that a single and tiny parasite would cause my suffering?

Hello. Just got back from the hospital. To those who are not aware, I was admitted in the hospital for 5 days due to dengue. And this is entry will be about my experience as a dengue patient.



Note: Normal plate count is 150 to 400.

Day 1 (June 4)
Platelet count: 220

TJ and I were in the mall when I suddenly had a headache. I thought it was just a simple migraine so we ate lunch (my migraine is sometimes caused by hunger) first. After 2 hours, the headache became worse despite the Paracetamol I had taken. Then, I felt that my body is like fuming with heat. I had chills and felt irritable. I told TJ to rush me to the hospital immediately because I knew I was having high fever.

I texted my parents that we were on our way to the emergency room. Apparently, my brother is also febrile. We were both rushed to the same hospital, at the same time.

Because I had a headache that I rated as 10 in the pain scale, they opted to give me a strong pain reliever intravenously. I was expecting it would put me to sleep but the drug disappointed me. After an hour, they gave me a muscle relaxant to relieve the migraine. Still, it didn't work. Then, after one hour (again), they gave me another strong pain reliever orally. The pain lessen but the head ache is still there. They wanted to send me home since I was initially negative from the dengue antigen test but the head ache was really killing me. I asked for an antihistamine to put me to sleep. They wanted to give me an anxiolytic drug but I told them I don't want to go home and take the Valium. If they want me to take Valium, I have to stay in the hospital. That was my request.

The brother was positive for dengue but he was also sent home on the first day. I, on the other hand, was negative from dengue and was prescribed with an antihistamine that I requested. The doctors told me that I should consult a neurologist for my migraine and undergo CT scan of the head to check how worse my migraine is. I refused the CT scan in the hospital because I know how expensive it is. I decided to go home instead. I got home with a groggy feeling at 12 am. I don't know why they gave me an Iterax an hour before I left the hospital when they could have told me to take it at home instead.

Day 2 (June 5)
Platelet count: 200

My brother was sent back to the emergency room early in the morning because he had a very high fever. I stayed home the whole day and didn't go to work. Thank God, I had enough time of sleep. I had on and off fever though. My brother was admitted in the hospital on the same day.

In the evening, I decided to visit my brother and had my blood re-checked for the platelet count. In the hospital, I reached 38.6 degrees Celsius. I was febrile again so as soon as I got the result from the laboratory, my father and I proceeded to the emergency room to consult a medical resident. The MROD (medical resident on duty) told me that there's no need for me to be admitted since the result says I have normal platelet count. My WBC count may be low due to the viral infection.

I went home with fever.

Day 3 (June 6)

I decided to consult a neurologist in the hospital where I am working... While preparing, my vision suddenly became literally black. The last time I had that kind of feeling was hours before I had my emergency operation in 2009. I checked my blood pressure immediately and damn, it's 80 over 50. Too low! I called my dad to bring me to the hospital (where my brother is admitted) immediately.

In the emergency room, the MROD told me that they will admit me instead of me going back and forth. I agreed because I already felt helpless. Since my attending physician is an Ob-gyne, they referred me to a consultant that specializes in infectious/communicable diseases. My brother was also referred to her.

I had a very high fever the whole day. I was on Paracetamol IV round the clock (ever four hours). My parents wanted my brother and I to share a room to be able to save money but then they found out that it was more expensive than the small private rooms. That night, my brother was then transferred to third floor (he was initially admitted at the 6th floor) where we were able to avail 2 small private rooms adjacent to each other.

Day 4 (June 7)
Platelet count: 190

At 2 am, I had a tremendous muscle pain from my knees down to my toes. I cried in pain, called the nurses and asked for a pain reliever. I was still febrile even if my Paracetamol is given every 4 hours. Since I didn't want to wake my mom who was very tired from taking care of me and my brother, I did tepid sponge bath all by myself. To be able to get my mind off the pain, I texted one of my work mates if she was on duty. Since she was on night duty, I called our station and had a little chitchat with her. At 2 am. Haha! After our conversation, the pain subsided and I was able to go back to sleep.

At 6 am, I woke up with super sweaty shirt. I told my mom I want to change clothes because I already don't feel comfortable with what I am wearing. It's just so... wet! Fortunately, my body temperature went back to normal after sweating profusely the whole night.

At 10 am, the doctor told me that news I will never want to hear again: I am positive for dengue.

Thank God, I was afebrile the whole day. But then, I felt nauseous so they gave me Plasil intravenously to relieve nausea and vomiting which was part of the dengue course.  I also had stomach upset so the doctor shifted my oral meds for the stomach to IV. Also,  I had low potassium level in my body so I started to take Potassium (Kalium durule) tablets three times a day for only 6 doses.

Day 5 (June 8)
Platelet count: 200

The stomach upset was relieved but then I noticed that my whole body started to become itchy. I kept on scratching my skin to relieve the itchiness but to no avail. I refused the Ranitidine IV (for stomach) that they were giving me because I just wanted to know if it's causing me hypersensitivity. But the doctor said, it's all part of the dengue course. Damnit. I didn't know dengue could be this harsh!

That night, I wasn't able to sleep because of itchiness. Even though they already gave me an antihistamine to put me to sleep, it still didn't work.

Day 6 (June 9)
Platelet count: 225

I was restless and irritable due to the rashes that started to show on my skin. It was effin' itchy, I swear! It's the worst itchiness I've ever felt in my entire life! I never imagined that I'd have to suffer from dengue like this.

In the afternoon, they gave me Benadryl, another antihistamine. Then, they also increased my Iterax to 25 mg (it was initially 10 mg) every night. The result? Unsuccessful. I was able to sleep for a few hours but the itchiness would still wake me up. Although, I must say that it has lessened compared to the first day of my itchiness.

Day 7 (June 10)
Platelet count: 250

I was ready to go home because the doctor promised me I can be discharged by this day if symptoms are already relieved. Although I still have the itchiness, I was still determined to go home since being admitted in the hospital for 5 days is boring. It's driving me nuts plus the fact that I hate, hate, hate hospital food! How can I even enjoy NO DARK COLORED FOODS + HYPOALLERGENIC diet? How? Their food sucks big time. I don't know why. They should change the way they cook their food. It's really not justifiable for what we pay. But what can you expect, it's a hospital food! Most of the patients don't have good appetite while admitted so the taste buds don't matter in this situation.

The doctor came in the afternoon. We waited for her since morning because we thought I'd be sent home in the morning. Thankfully, my brother and I were sent home at the same time because we don't have monkey business anymore in that hospital. Lolz. Although we were both red because of the rashes on our skin, we are very happy to be finally home. :)

**********

There are many dengue cases here in our country. Some kids die because of it. I was once a witness of a patient who died from dengue. I am thankful that my brother and I didn't reach that point where we have to undergo blood transfusion nor be sent to the intensive care unit. I am thankful that my parents have funds to pay the bills. There are hundreds or even thousands of dengue cases; some may still be uncounted. It's just sad to know that not all of those cases are financially prepared for it. Dengue can be prevented by getting rid of those things where mosquitoes inhabit. Since it's the rainy season again, I'm pretty sure there will be an alarming rate again for dengue cases. Prevention is better than cure. Don't forget to clean your houses and get rid of those mosquitoes. Also, make sure you apply mosquito repellents when going out! Lastly,pray that you are not "the chosen one". Lol.

I will forever loathe and curse dengue as this caused me a lot of pain physically, physiologically, emotionally and financially!I still cannot believe up to this point that I was a dengue victim but I am glad my brother and I survived it.

Keratosis Pilaris

When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with skin asthma. I had a long list of food that I am not allowed to eat because they would definitely cause me allergies here and there. In addition, I also had a maintenance ointment for my allergies. Thanks to my mom who desensitized me. I can now eat anything as long as it's in moderation.

This morning, I consulted a dermatologist after 21 years regarding my skin condition. I seek dermatologists every now and then for facial treatment but not with my skin asthma. What made me consult now is because I noticed that my allergies don't heal anymore. Few months ago, I watched something from 24 Oras about a woman who had a serious skin disease that started from skin asthma. I was worried that it might occur to me as well.

The dermatologist told me that I have keratosis pilaris which is a chicken skin like condition. This is related to my skin asthma. Good thing, I consulted immediately before things get worse. When asked about the causes of this skin condition, she told me that even though it has an unknown cause, it can be aggravated by the constant change of weather, "overstay" inside the bathroom (Haha! I take a shower for 20 minutes!), use of warm water when taking a bath (I only use warm water during my AM shift when I have to take a bath at 5 in the morning) and STRESS. The first one can't be avoided because I live here in the Philippines, but the latter... I am not even sure if I could de-stress myself. I work and study at the same time. I have an online job too! Plus the fact that I work in a very busy medical-surgical ward... and let us include the very demanding relatives and patients! Very stressful, indeed! I guess, I need to make time for pampering myself which I'll do in July (birthday month).

As expected, the dermatologist prescribed few topical medications which is worth more than my budget. She prescribed 2 lotions, one in the morning and another in the evening. Then, she replaced my old maintenance ointment. Another one is a hypoallergenic, moisturizing and exfoliating soap. The soap is expensive so I asked for an alternative which is Dove. Lastly, I have to take an antihistamine for 7 days.

 



I only bought the most important first because I didn't bring extra money with me. Also, my consultation is unexpected. Therapeutic dry skin lotion that I should use every morning, Dove exfoliating body wash with moisturizing milk as an alternative for the expensive soap, Clobederm cream for the affected area, then Cetirizine for my antihistamine. I also bought Medicol for my migraine. That's another thing that I should consult with a neurologist. :(

I hope my allergies will heal from this regimen since I like wearing shorts most of the time.

What happened to me at 1:30 AM

I was constipated for the past 4 days. I actually have a regular bowel moment until this occurred. I got worried because I noticed that new pimples pop out from my face every day so I opted to take a high fiber diet. 2 days ago, I bought Fibrosine. I poo-ed but I can't say it was a success. So yesterday, I followed the advice of one of the staff nurses: take 2 tablets of Dulcolax.

When I got home at 4 pm, I took the tabs and waited for the result. After 2 hours, I poo-ed but I wasn't still satisfied. I belittled the effect of Dulcolax because I felt that I wasn't able to let it all out. Lol.

At 1:00 AM, I was awakened by a stomach pain. I felt a gurgling thing was going on inside me. I thought I was just cold so I turned the air-con off. Still, the pain worsened. Then I suddenly had the urge to poo so I ran to the comfort room immediately and sat on the bowl. You know what happened next.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to tolerate Dulcolax's laxative effect. I called my sister to get me a hot water bag, a glass of water and Imodium. I also asked her to wake our parents up because I couldn't take the pain anymore! I felt so weak! My vision also started to get black and I cried for help. My parents panicked because they thought my illness was attacking me again. I told them about my Dulcolax intake and they scolded me for taking 2 tabs. When I was already done, my mom assisted me to stand up from the bowl and when we got out of the comfort room, I fainted. I know I fainted because I felt my body collapsed and that was the last thing I remember until I woke up from my bed and saw my mom lying beside me.

After 4 hours, I still managed to go to work but I still felt so weak. I was really dehydrated. Thanks to Gatorade for the relief.



I will forever hate Dulcolax for this traumatizing, embarrassing and funny laxative experience. I've had fleet enema before but this is just the worst! I swear, I will never ever take Dulcolax again. It's a pain in the ass! Literally and figuratively speaking.

If symptoms persist, consult your doctor.

Before I went home from work, I suddenly felt dizzy. I thought I was just sleepy so I bought coffee from 7-Eleven ((I love their french vanilla cappuccino!)). I had to drink coffee because I was supposed to stay up late to finish our requirements ((Finals tomorrow!)).

After I got home, I felt nauseous. It worsened when I went upstairs so I knocked my parents' door to borrow my mom's digital blood pressure monitor assuming that I am hypotensive due to lack of sleep. To my surprise, it's 130/90. Before I went to sleep, I reached 140/100, my highest blood pressure reading ever.

Until now, my blood pressure is high though lower than what I got last night. It's already 120/90. Normally, my blood pressure is 110/70.  I wonder why my diastolic blood pressure is high. I sometimes think it's because of my increased caffeine intake. Few days ago, I had hand tremors which made me blame my coffee addiction. I lessened it to one cup of coffee a day. But then this hypertensive thingo is making me worried. I didn't drink coffee today to observe myself. I also blame my stress for my elevated blood pressure. Lately, I have been stressed with all these paper works I have been doing for my MA class. I can't wait for this semester to end!

In an hour, I will check my blood sugar just to see if I am hypoglycemic or hyperglycemic. If I am still hypertensive tomorrow despite rest and other self-nursing management (lol!!), I have no choice but to consult a doctor.

Not Dengue Please

Two days ago, I woke up with a sore throat. It was either caused by the ice cream I ate on the night of my birthday or the bacterial infection from my classmates who had flu last week was spread to me. Ugh, this is my 2nd or 3rd tonsillitis this year.

Yesterday, I was supposed to go to the hospital for my practicum but I wasn't feeling well. I checked my temperature; it was 38.8. I tried to observe myself for an hour but my temperature did not go down. I decided to stay at home and rest. I was febrile the whole day. I also had chills, joint pain and back pain. I felt irritable. What's good about it was that I got a lot of sleep. In the afternoon, my dad decided to take me to doctor for a check-up. He was thinking that I might have a dengue.

At the clinic, the doctor asked for the symptoms I felt. He ordered CBC with platelet to rule out dengue. Dengue has the same signs and symptoms with flu except that it targets the platelets of a human being. During the history taking, he asked me when my next menstrual day is. I told him that I am getting my period within this week. He explained to me that studies show that women who have menstruation are more susceptible to dengue. According to this study, the scent of women having their period attract mosquitoes. I didn't know there's a study about this.

My laboratory result was normal except for my WBC which is elevated. It might be due to the bacterial infection caused by my sore throat. Bad news is dengue is not yet ruled out. It's too early to tell that this is not dengue so if I still have fever after 2-3 days of taking antibiotics, I should go back to the clinic and  have another CBC with platelet test.

I hope this is not dengue because I've had dengue patients before (most of them are kids) and I saw how painful and traumatic it was to have such kind of disease. Another thing, I have so many stuff to do for my MA class. I also have an online job to attend to everyday and I can not lose that job just because of those effin mosquitoes.

Let's just pray this is only tonsillitis and not dengue.

July, my birthday month.

A very unexpected thing happened on my birthday month. I lost my most precious gift from God. It saddens me that it happened days before my 25th birthday. What did I do? I don't deserve this. :(

It's so hard to deal with your life after losing a gift. It is so hard to accept that the gift you treasured the most will be taken away from your hands, from your life. There are times that I cry really hard as if I already lost hope but there are also times that I just smile and say I can do this. These mood swings are probably caused my oral contraceptive pills. Sigh.

But you know, to be honest, I still pray for a miracle. I believe in miracles, okay? I know God wants me to be stronger than what I am now. I know that God will give me back that gift. Probably God also wants to tell me that I have a beautiful life to live and that I shouldn't put it to waste by sulking in a corner. Yeah, I can do this. I really can. But please if you see me crying or whining or whatever, blame it on the OCPs.

Two

I thought my schedule at the ultrasound clinic today was 10 am. I went early so I wouldn't have to wait but unfortunately, the sonologist's schedule is at 2 pm. Before going home, I went to National Bookstore to buy the notebook I saw yesterday. It's plain and cute! So, I went home with a happy face.

Before 2 pm, I went back to the clinic and waited for the sonologist. She arrived 10 minutes after the clock struck two. Because I was able to reserve at a very early time, I was the first patient she attended. She asked me why do I need to undergo breast ultrasound. I told her that two years ago, I discovered a lump on my breast and my OB wants it to be monitored. This is the only time I've done my follow-up breast ultrasound since my first because I've been a negligent patient for the past year. She asked me about the location of the lump and I told her it's above my nipple area of my left breast.

She checked my right breast first. It is normal. She didn't find anything unusual. To my surprise, when she checked my left breast, she found a lump maybe an inch beside my nipple. It is ANOTHER lump. How should I know? I've been negligent. I don't even do monthly breast self examination despite my doctor's advice. The lump measures 10 x 9 x 7 mm. After that, she checked the lump I told her about. It is still there. It measures about 20 mm. And it has grown bigger.

At first, it didn't sink in but when she told me that maybe my OB will advise me to undergo biopsy or mammography I felt sad. Why does it always have to be me? I thought I'm okay. My ovaries are already fine according to my ultrasound yesterday. Why do I always have to suffer? I have done nothing wrong to people. I don't cheat, lie or steal from people. I don't curse anyone. Yeah. I criticize people but I am just telling the truth, okay? Again, why me? Why does it ALWAYS have to be me?

I know this is nothing serious. It's not malignant but what if my OB asks me to undergo operation again? This lumps are quite bothering for an adult woman like me. I remember what the sonologist told me, "Single ka pa ba? Kase syempre di maganda na may scar sa breasts." See? I mean, I know I am a nurse and I know about the interventions for the nursing diagnosis Disturbed Body Image... but it's different when you're the patient. I know I'm beautiful in my own way... But I'm just tired of getting scars all over my body. It's like from head to toe, I have scars. It's like I am a scarred person with a scarred heart. I'm just tired, okay? I'm tired of blogging about this. I'm tired of crying every single night about my health.

Who would faithfully love a scarred person like me? (But really, it's not only the scar...) Who would promise to take care of me forever when my parents are gone? Who would understand that I am sick every now and then? I do all the good things but why do I always get the bad things in life?

Wants vs Needs

It's not what you think.

Today was my first day at school this year. We only had reporting and I am wondering why in the world I am so drained after the class. I still have headache but I decided to blog because I want to let this out... This sadness and this confusion.

So while I was talking to my boyfriend over the phone while resting (I told him that I won't go online tonight because of my headache but here I am, blogging. He'd surely understand.), my mom butt in in our conversation and told me that the hospital where I was supposed to undergo training this month called. The start of our training is next week. Orientation on Wednesday.

My mom asked me if I think I could handle the training because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You know how hard it is to apply in a hospital. This is actually a pre-employment training and this is different from the previous trainings I have undergone for some reasons. She told me, "Kung kaya mo naman na, sayang naman kung ipopostpone mo ito. Para sana makapagtrabaho ka na..."

Everybody knows how much I want to work in the hospital. Everybody knows how dedicated I am in this field even though I feel like it's pushing me away because of these circumstances I am dealing with. I really, really want to undergo the training BUT it's been only a month when I underwent operation. I got traumatized with what have happened and I am scared of jeopardizing my health again.

I am crying while typing this because I really do not know what to do. I want to work... but I need to rest. I need to prioritize my health. I don't want another operation. I want to be healthy this year. I have neglected my doctor's health advice before and I don't want to do that again. I regret for being a stubborn "patient".

But... what about my dreams? What about my goals? I am turning 25 this year and look, I haven't achieved anything yet. I am still depending on my parents. I haven't bought anything for myself that I can be proud of. I haven't contributed anything to our monthly bills. I envy those people who have attained something at an early age. I want to be like that too. I really do.

Sigh. I can't decide. :( What to do?

First post for a new decade

EXPLORE LAPAROTOMY EVACUATION OF HEMOPERITONEUM (300cc), WELGE RESECTION OF OVARIAN CYSTS, RIGHT - That's what my medical certificate says. That is the operation they performed last December 22, 2009. Here's a little information about hemoperitoneum:

Hemoperitoneum (sometimes also hematoperitoneum) is the presence of blood in the peritoneal cavity. The blood accumulates in the space between the inner lining of the abdominal wall and the internal abdominal organs. Hemoperitoneum is generally classified as a surgical emergency; in most cases, urgent laparotomy is needed to identify and control the source of the bleeding. In selected cases, careful observation may be permissible. The abdominal cavity is highly distensible and may easily hold greater than five liters of blood, or more than the entire circulating blood volume for an average-sized individual. Therefore, large-scale or rapid blood loss into the abdomen will reliably induce hemorrhagic shock and may, untreated, rapidly lead to death.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemoperitoneum

Just reading the definition of hemoperitoneum makes me teary-eyed. I can't believe that until now, I am still in disbelief that this happened to me. On the other hand, I am grateful that I survived such near death experience like what I have blogged before.

Hmm, I don't want to make my first post of the year a sad entry so let's be optimistic here. :) I just shared what I have read from my medical certificate which I got this morning.

On the lighter note, I am currently getting addicted to a new show, Hawthorne. It's about the nurse's lives and how they deal with grumpy doctors and patients. It's good that they made a series for nurses.



Anyway, I've also heard that ABS-CBN made a series for nurses. I was actually expecting that it would be out last year. It stars Judy Ann Santos. I'll probably watch it too and see how Filipinos make/do series like those of in the USA.

And oh, since this is my first post of the year I'll be posting my resolutions that I wrote in my 2010 planner. :)

1. lesser internet time - this is really hard for me since I am an online addict.


2. be healthier - this has been my resolution every year. Haha!


3. write more meaningful entries - as always


4. learn something new - still can't think of anything right now


5. cook more - I'd love to learn how to bake this year :)


6. gain weight - because I ended the year weighing 95 lbs.


7. pamper myself more - because I'm always stressed and I often forget to get some beauty rest and pampering.

So there you go. :) Let's see how this year would turn out for me. I hope it's a good one. Happy New Year! (Yes, it's late.)

My 2009

Last year (2008), I told myself that I will do everything to be successful this year. It didn't happen though but I am still happy how  I was able to spend the whole year. I call my 2009 a PRODUCTIVE YEAR.

I may not have gotten a job yet in the hospital but at least, I was given a chance to be a volunteer nurse in a public hospital, which is a first time for me because I always "work" as a trainee in a private hospital. (February - May 2009)

By the time our contract as a volunteer nurse ended, I was able to get a job as a teacher for Korean students. It didn't last as well because I decided to quit to focus more on my master's class. Being a teacher to Koreans was helluva fun. I was able to see their culture and mingle with them and at the same time, I was able to share my Filipino traits with my Korean kids. I wonder how they are now. I miss those kids. (June - August 2009)

One thing I liked about this year is that I was able to go back to school. I met new friends, gained a lot of knowledge and learned more about my chosen field. I also get to learn more about being a good teacher. My favorite subject in my first semester as a master's degree candidate is our Instructional Supervision. Our professor truly touched my life as a person and as a teacher. I also learned how to work on my own now. Back in college, we were always given group tasks. Now, you have to work on your own  although I know how to work as an individual but this time I don't have subordinates (because I used to be a leader) whom I can ask for help. And oh, I am really happy that I got good grades. (June - October 2009)

I think one of the achievements I've gained this year is being one of the finalists in the Philippine Blog Awards 2009. I may not have grabbed a single award even though I was a finalist in four different categories but at least I was included in this contest as a finalist because not all bloggers are given an opportunity like this. I'm thinking about joining again next year. (October 2009)

Second semester is much more challenging because this is the start of our major subjects but I guess I can handle this because this is where I am more interested in. There are so many tasks to do and until now, I am trying to accomplish them all. I am enjoying it anyway so no complaints about this one. :) (November 2009 - December 2009)

In life, there would always be changes. And these changes would also help us to be strong. My December 2009 is the toughest month of all. I encountered personal problems that I thought I couldn't handle. I was able to get through those 18 days of sadness and longing. God is really good because He answered my prayer. I guess, God really gave my boyfriend to me because I told him that if he's not for me, then he wouldn't come back. But he did. This year is a tough year for both of us but I am glad we're ending this year TOGETHER.

I thought everything would end normally but something happened to me that's really unexpected. But because of this shocking event in my life, it made me stronger. It helped me to become a fighter. I thank God for giving me this kind of strength. And I also thank God that because of this emergency surgery, I felt how much I am loved and supported by the people around me, even those people I really do not know.

So many things happened this year. It is, indeed, my productive year but also a very, very challenging one that I was able to surpass.

Of sutures and healing wounds

Who would have thought that after a simple celebration of our 2nd anniversary, an unexpected twist in my life would happen? And who would have thought that I spent my Christmas eve in the hospital?

My cellphone's alarm woke me up at 3:30 am because I was going to attend Simbang Gabi. Although God has already answered my prayer, I still wanted to complete the Christmas novena because it's part of tradition and most importantly, it's part of my faith. So after making my coffee, I went upstairs to check my online accounts if there were any anniversary messages from friends and from my boyfriend. After logging out, I felt a sudden pain on the lower right quadrant of my abdomen but I was able to tolerate it so I just ignored. I thought it was just caused by the cold weather. While I was looking for something to wear in my closet, I felt the pain again. This time, it was a sharp shooting pain. I immediately went back to my bed. I prayed and told God that I wanted to complete the novena mass. To no avail  the pain didn't subside. It got really worse. I had no choice but turn off the lights to take a rest but still the pain was really intense. I was crying so loud. I couldn't take it anymore. So I got out of my room, knocked my parents' door and told them what was happening. My parents tried to calm me but it didn't help. I was shouting in the middle of 4 am-ish. "Pa, dalhin niyo na ako sa hospital. Please!" My parents prepared right away. My father had to carry me because I couldn't walk anymore. While waiting for them, I talked to God and said, "Lord, please. Wag naman po appendicitis ito. Please, Lord..." Suddenly, my vision became blurry. It was getting darker and darker.  I knew I was going to lose consciousness but I fought that aura.

Fast forward to the emergency room.

Regular emergency procedures were performed. It wasn't appendicitis because I didn't have other symptoms of appendicitis. It was, again, related to my endometriosis. The resident doctors called my Ob-Gyne to inform her what happened. After a couple of hours, she came and was surprised to see me again in that room because we were expecting to see each other in her clinic and not in an emergency room this month. She asked me to undergo an ultrasound just to check my ovaries and my uterus. She told me, "I hope this is nothing serious."

Fast forward to the Ultrasound Room.

The pain lessened. Thank God but I felt a sudden pain on my shoulders. I thought it was just because of how I was positioned during my ultrasound (pelvic area is elevated to be able to have a clearer view of the insides of the reproductive system). I couldn't understand what they were trying to talk about while checking my ovaries but I heard there were cysts, blood clots, series CBC and this term called, "hemorrhagic corpus luteum." I got really scared upon hearing the word hemorrhagic because it means there's a bleeding. My doctor decided to admit me to the hospital then. My doctor asked the other doctor who did the ultrasound to have another review of my ovaries. So I was sent to the delivery room first for observation if there's any progression of pain before another ultrasound.

When I was sent to the delivery room, I was asked to change my clothes into an operating/delivery room gown. I asked the nurse why I was there in the delivery room and what was going on. I was really inquisitive because I wanted to know what was happening. The pain on my abdomen lessened but the pain on my shoulders was still there that I decided to report it to the the residents on duty.

An IV line was inserted to my vein (Ohmy, it was so painful.) so that they could administer the medicines directly to my blood. Antibiotics here and there, interview every now and then, geez... I was getting impatient. I wanted to go out from that room and just take a rest at home since the pain was already subsiding.

After a few hours, I was sent back to the ultrasound room. When the doctor's assistant positioned me, my shoulders became verryyyy painful that I have to remove the pillow that she put below my pelvic area. I told her that I couldn't breath. She told me to relax first and we'll do  it again. But my shoulder pain was getting worse and worse. The resident who was with me asked me what was I feeling because she noticed that I keep moving my shoulders. When the doctor came in, they positioned me again and I started to cry out loud. It was so painful. I was shouting because of pain. It was really embarrassing to the other patients inside that room but what can I do, I couldn't tolerate it. The doctor did an abdominal ultrasound instead but it didn't give a clear view although the hemorrhagic corpus luteum was mentioned again. She advised the resident to call my doctor immediately and that she should decide on what to do with me right then and there. I was crying when they sent me back to the delivery room. I just sat on my bed and cried. Then I heard that my second CBC result came out. I heard there were changes in my hemoglobin but I couldn't understand because I was so scared. Then suddenly someone shouted, "Prepare for OR!" Omg. I didn't know if I was the patient they referring to.  I was just quiet, crying and praying.

After thirty minutes, my doctor came in and talked to me. She told me the bad news.  My ovarian cysts ruptured and the reason why I have shoulder pain is because I have an internal bleeding that needs to be attended immediately. The blood from my cysts already scattered and there were already blood clots in my abdomen. My hemoglobin was decreasing and if they didn't perform surgery right away, I could have lost a lot of blood. I cried to my doctor and told her that I will be undergoing my hospital training next month and that I have a lot of things to do for school. She calmed me and explained that my health is more important. That this is really serious. I asked her if my parents already knew about it but she told me that she haven't talked to them yet.

After 30 minutes of my preparation for the surgery and before I was sent to the operating room, I was able to talk to my mom. I saw her crying. She told me to fight and to pray. Because I am a crybaby, I couldn't help but cry. I tried not to look at my mom because I know how worried she was. It was like a dramatic scene in a telenovela. "Kayo na bahala sa anak ko ha," my mom told the nurses and the doctors while crying.

At the operating room, when I was transferred to the OR table, I kept on moving. My shoulders were really painful. The reason why it was painful because of positioning because of the scattered bleeding. I forgot the technical term but that's how  I understood it. The anesthesiologist asked my name but he kept on saying SONIA. The last thing I remember is telling him that Xyla is my name and not Sonia.

At the recovery room

I woke up with painful abdomen. I tried to touch it and once again, I felt that thick bandage. Just so you know, this is not my first operation. This is my second surgery regarding my ovarian cysts. The nurse, who was apparently my classmate back in college, asked me how I was feeling. I was so groggy that time and all I can remember is that they gave me 3 shots of pain reliever. And oh, I tried to move my legs and toes but it didn't because the anesthesia's effect had not subsided then. My entry about my first operation is just quite the same. It's just that this time, I also underwent blood transfusion.

After ____ hours, I was transferred to my room.  I saw my mom outside the room and I was surprised to see my boyfriend. Finally, I felt safe with my loved ones. Because seriously, when I was in the delivery room, I felt alone because relatives or companions weren't allowed to enter that room. Even though nurses and doctors were there, I still wanted my parents to be with me in such situation.

I wouldn't be narrating everything that happened after my operation. What I want to write now is how I felt about the whole thing. Seriously, I am still in disbelief that this happened again. Yes, I was told before that endometrial cysts are recurrent. They may go back anytime. I knew that I did nothing wrong and I asked God what have I done to undergo such circumstances. Yes, I really questioned God. I felt that it's wrong to question Him but I really don't know why this have to happen. Undergoing an operation is really traumatic. I had a hard time dealing with it the first time, why do I have to suffer again. But then again I know God has better plans for me. I know that He knows what is best for me. Maybe he thinks I am really that strong and He knows that I could handle this well. It just makes me sad that I wouldn't be able to join the next batch of trainees this January. My doctor told me to postpone my hospital training because I need at least one and a half month of rest and healing.

Yes, we spent our Christmas eve at the hospital. And although we weren't able to eat noche buena at home, I still feel happy. I remember I told my boyfriend last Monday that I really wish he could spend his Christmas eve with my family. And yes, it did happen. My siblings, grandmother, parents, boyfriend and our helpers were there yesterday. We ate noche buena at an earlier time at my hospital room just to be able to celebrate Christmas together. Although I was really envious of the foods they were eating (I only ate arroz caldo), I still felt happy that my family is complete, and that my boyfriend is with me and my family. I was able to see the brighter side of things after all.

I am not sure if I can call this my second life because I encountered near-death experiences before but I thank God for giving me another chance to live. My doctor told me that I lost a lot of blood that they had to transfuse blood. If my parents weren't able to rush me to the hospital immediately, there's no Xyla anymore. I wouldn't be writing this anymore. I really couldn't believe that I almost died. I was so happy with my boyfriend on our 2nd anniversary before that happened. I am really curious what message does God want to relay... But like what I said, the things I should do now are to accept and to trust God's plans.

2009 is a year that's full of challenges. I will end this year with a fresh wound but I know... I will start 2010 with a healing wound, literally and figuratively speaking.

Polycystic Ovary

After eight months, I've finally underwent transrectal ultrasound as a follow-up check up for my last Ob-Gyne consultation. I was supposed to undergo ultrasound last December but because I was busy ((I don't even know why I was busy by then)), I failed to do so.

My ultrasound result last September 2008 revealed that my left ovary has this certain mass  which could be a cyst or just a corpus luteum ((because my menstrual period was about to start in a few days)).  And then, my right ovary reveals to be polycystic. That's why my Ob-Gyne told me to repeat the procedure after three months.

Now, the result is: my right ovary is normal but the left is a polycystic ovary. I got worried upon seeing the result but I waited to talk to my Ob-Gyne first before getting depressed. Although last night, I got sad when I thought about my health again.

So this afternoon, I went to the clinic for a consultation. My OB said that there's nothing to worry because it's just mild. Usually, those patients who have polycystic ovary syndrome have weight gain, irregular or missed periods, unwanted hair growth and acne. Yes, I get to have acnes from time to time but fortunately, I don't have the other three symptoms.

As a treatment, my OB prescribed contraceptive pills. Hopefully, after six months of taking the contraceptive pills, I'll get a better ultrasound result.

I asked my OB if my fertility in the future would be affected. She answered yes but she gave me an assurance that we would be able to work it out. I'll just have to tell her if I am ready to have a baby.

At least, there's no reason to lose hope.

Thank you, Lord, for listening to my prayers.

Scarniverssary

Today is exactly a year from the day I was operated. I can not remember anything that happened in the operating room, as I have mentioned in my entry about my operation. My only remembrance on that day is this long scar on my abdomen. That is why I call this entry, scarniverssary. Hehehe.

I ended my post-op entry with optimism... Today, as I "celebrate" my scarniverssary, I blog this with hope.

Why? Because my OB-Gyne told me in my last follow-up consultation that a cyst is starting to recur again in my ovaries. That was found in my latest ultrasound result last September 2008. I was asked to repeat my ultrasound but since then I haven't done that yet.

And now, I am guilty.

I am filled with guilt for neglecting my health. I wonder if the cyst grew. I hope not.

Now, I promise to go back to the clinic this month.