Rest in Peace, Little Angel

As I expected, my life back in N5 is stressful yet fun. I don't miss the fast paced life in N5 but I did miss my workmates who crack jokes and "make fun" of each other every now and then. .

So anyway, I survived my first day as a charge nurse. I had 23 patients which means I had 23 patient's charts to read and review in 8 hours. As a night shift charge nurse, it is your task to review all the doctors' orders in the past 24 hours just to check if anything was missed. Unfortunately,  I wasn't able to finish everything. Bear with me, I am still adjusting.  On my second day as a charge nurse, I think I got the right technique. Thanks to one of my seniors Ma'am Aloha who taught me the faster way. :)

Last Wednesday, we admitted a young looking lady who seems like giving up anytime. I took her initial blood pressure and I got 70/40. I got curious about her case so I waited for the medical intern to finish taking the patient's medical history. To my surprise, the patient is only 16 years old and has ovarian cancer. Another thing that surprised me is that she already lost her ovaries at a very, very young age. Through my whole shift, I always obtain low blood pressure. The medical resident on duty already talked to the mom (I assume)and asked her if they want to be "aggressive". I heard things like, "So i-tutubo siya? Hindi ba mahihirapan yun bata nun?", "Anong mangyayari kung di kame pumayag?", etc.

For five days, the patient fought for her life until this morning, I learned that she already succumbed to cancer. My heart sank upon hearing the bad news. She's too young to die. I know that if she was given a chance to live longer, she would probably grow up to a very, very nice and sweet lady. 

To be honest, she's my favorite patient among those who were admitted in that wing (N5 ward is divided into two wings). She never complained anything except for the back pain when I raised her legs during her hypotension episodes. Other than that, she was quiet and very cooperative. Sadly, this young girl isn't aware of her illness despite the procedures and medical treatment she has gone through. 

I've had a number of "deaths" during my first year in the hospital but this death made a big impact to my life. First, I don't like seeing young people suffer from illness. We can go back to our memories during our childhood but we can never turn back the time and be a kid again. Having diagnosed of cancer deprives these kids to enjoy the normal childhood life. It breaks my heart to see a kid watching other kids playing outside through the window. And second, being diagnosed with endometriosis, I feel like I am not as lucky as any other woman who doesn't have any problems in getting pregnant. When I was diagnosed and have undergone two major operations in two consecutive years, I was warned about my future that I might not get pregnant. Through this innocent stranger, I realized that I am still blessed. At least, I still have my ovaries and that I can still get pregnant through fertility work ups. I thank God for that.

The best thing about being a nurse is that everyday you meet new people whom you never thought would touch your life and give you a life changing experience instead of you touching their hearts.

Thank you, little angel. May you rest in peace.

Facebook Greetings

So Facebook tells me that three people are celebrating their birthday today. One is a relative and two are batch mates in FEU.  So what's the big deal with this?

Well, to be honest, I don't really greet every birthday celebrant on my Facebook list. Look, I don't want to be hypocrite here. We weren't even friends back in college/high school. They don't even know I exist. They just added me because they found out that I am friends with their friends. You get what I mean? So when I greet them, that still doesn't change the fact that we still barely know each other. Again, I don't want to be a hypocrite here.

Let me clear things out before I get gazillion hate messages. There's nothing wrong with greeting those people on your list. It's not a sin. This is just me, the mean me. Lol. I just want to be true to myself that if Facebook didn't exist, I wouldn't be aware of their birthdays anyway unless they text me and say, "Hey, you're cordially invited to my birthday party". On a lighter note, thanks to Facebook because I sometimes forget that a close friend is celebrating a birthday. Haha!

Little Things Matter

Little things matter :) from Ian Traqueña on Vimeo.

This is a very nice video and I hope you'd learn from it and get to appreciate life more. I posted this on almost all of my online accounts. This is a video made by my sister's classmates for their ad campaign.

I am still here.

It's been almost two months since I last posted here. Blame the very busy schedule. I think I was able to survive the month of February when my most dreaded schedule started. One and a half month of sleepless nights and stress. And here I am, still very tired and diagnosed with tonsillopharyngitis.

To tell you honestly, I am not enjoying my training in this private hospital. Maybe because I am tired of being just a trainee. For the past three years, I've been in and out of the hospital as a trainee and sometimes I feel embarrassed and/or humiliated whenever they ask me why I wasn't hired. For the past three years, I never knew anyone from the hospital. I don't have a "connection" with someone in the hospital. This time, I was very lucky to find one. But then, I am not the type of person who doesn't care about doing the job effectively just because I got in easily (as a trainee). Even though I don't like to work in the hospital for now as a trainee, I still continue to attend the training and try to make an impression because I don't want the "backer" to think that I don't deserve the position. And most of all, I am handling human beings and I don't want to jeopardize their lives just because I am incompetent.

I am really disappointed with some of my seniors because  I thought that since this is a private hospital, I'll be able to see/witness that the nursing procedures will be performed ideally than in the public hospital. Unfortunately, they do it wrong. They don't perform some of the procedures in an ideal way because one of their reasons is that they don't have much time. But when I try to observe them, they have a lot of time to chitchat with each other. How can that happen?

One time, a staff nurse asked me how do I take the pulse rate of the patient. I said that I do it in full minute when I have a lot of time. She told me that, "No, you can just do it in 15 seconds and multiply it by 4." Then I reasoned out, "I do that ma'am if I don't feel or hear any skipping beats but if there's a deviation from normal, I do it in full minute." She didn't reply after that.

One thing that discourages me from continuing is that they sometimes teach me the wrong thing and I have nothing to do but to follow them. I feel sad for the patients. I can't accept the fact that they think they are competent and they have the guts to teach me what to do with this and that when they don't really know what they are talking about.

Sigh. I really wish this training will end as soon as possible. I can't wait for April to end. And I can't wait for June to start because we will be having our Clinical Residency as our practicum in our MA. :) I feel excited more about it than my training.

Cash o Bigas. Bigas o Cash.

This is the Christmas outreach project of our parish church. They will be giving away 4 kilos of rice after Christmas for each unfortunate family near our area. They are accepting bags of rice or cash and those bags of rice are put in this thing called, "Kariton ng Buhay" that will be used for distributing the rice. ((This was probably influenced by the CNN Hero of the Year, Efren Penaflorida))

I feel fulfilled this Christmas season because our family was able to join this project. My parents bought not only a bag, but a sack of rice this morning. That's a total of 50 kilos. When my dad asked who wants to go with him to the church, I immediately volunteered because I want to do it myself to talk to whoever in the parish church. I was really hoping that I would be able to talk to a priest but since it is a Sunday, only a personnel in the office was there.

I went home really happy with what I and my family have done for this day, for this Christmas season. I hope others would participate as well. This happiness of helping others is an ultimate feeling that can never be exchanged by any priced material. Christmas season has always been about giving and not receiving. I hope that we don't only do this during this season but also for the whole year, if ever we are given a chance to do something for others.

How about you? What good deed have you done for this Christmas?

Simbang Gabi

As much as I want to concentrate during the mass, I always get to sit beside some distracting people.

1st day: none at all but it was really hot where I sat
2nd day: teenage kids talking and laughing while the mass was going on and a mother who breast feeds her child with her breasts exposed
3rd day: college couple who are cuddling each other, the girl keeps on biting the guy's shoulder
4th day: Apparently, this college couple were lectors and readers
5th day: Married couple around 40 to 50-ish who talks and chats so loud even during the homily and they really sing out of tune

Please hearing the mass is different from attending a mass. Please be true to your intentions. And please, respect God if you can not respect the people around you who are trying to reflect this Christmas season.

I am really thinking about sitting beside the nuns in the next 4 days!

Their lives

Are there any instances that whenever you encounter strangers you wonder what kind of circumstances are they going through? Are they happy in their lives? Are they having problems they can't solve? Are you much more blessed than them?

I watched something in this certain film/TV show (I forgot what it is) that if you want to write a novel or a story, you have to observe the people around you and wonder what's going on in their lives just to be able to conceptualize a character or a story. I actually followed that advice from that film/TV show... I wasn't able to write though but I became really observant with the people around me.

What's my point here? Sometimes, we complain about our own lives that lead other people from committing suicide. We think that God doesn't love us and we are just being punished... But have you ever thought that those people around you have more difficult problems to solve? Have you ever thought that you are actually luckier and more blessed but you just overlooked at that fact because you focused so much on the negative side? Have you ever thought that you might be missing all the fun in your life because you're dwelling too much on pessimism?

Ask yourself. It's you who can only answer.

Vote for Efren Peñaflorida!

Image from Definitely Filipino

Hi reader/s! Yesterday, I asked for your support for my blog in the Philippine Blog Awards 2009. Now, I am asking again for your support, not for me but for our fellow, Efren Peñaflorida.  He is included in the CNN Top Ten Heroes list for providing basic education to the youth especially those who are members of gangs. It's really a heroic act of him. And oh, did you know that he's the only Filipino included in the list? So yeah, let's support him!

Please do vote for him in this site. Spread the news!

Relief Operation

It was my first time to volunteer in a relief operation. I've always wanted to volunteer but I just don't know how to apply and go in their venues. Anyway, so when this typhoon Ondoy left a lot of mess, I looked for people who can come with me. I was so happy that my online friends also wanted to help so we decided to go. It was a very tiring experience but it was indeed all worth it. I opted to volunteer because I felt that I need to help in this kind of crisis. I don't have thousands or millions of money to donate but what I only have is my free service.

We went there at around 10 am. When we arrived at Balay Expo, Cubao, there were already many people packing the goodies, folding the clothes, passing the packed relief goods, offering drinks, and etc. We were assigned to the rice area where we packed sacks of rice into plastic bags. At first, it wasn't tiring. Although after a few hours, our hands were starting to numb. After packing the rice, we then transferred to another station.  I think that's the time when we felt tiredness. I felt back and neck pain but I tried to ignore it because  I was really having fun.

At around 4:30 pm, the organizers asked those who came early to go home and rest to give way for the other volunteers who were waiting outside. The place was already jam packed and they wanted to give the other volunteers a chance to pack the relief goods. After the announcement, we went to Gateway to eat then  we separated ways and went home afterward.

I feel so proud of myself for what I have done. Haha! It's just a small thing but I know it made a lot of difference. I wish to go back since classes are suspended until Saturday. I was actually happy to hear that news. It was a message that we could still volunteer in the next days. I hope more people would come. It would be fun... and most of all, fulfilling. =)

Go Away, Ondoy!

Credits to Ondoy's Tumblr and his resources. Yes, this freakin' typhoon has a tumblr account!
Photo edited by me.

I feel so sad about what have happened today in our country, specifically in Metro Manila. So many people are affected by this typhoon Ondoy. I feel guilty for saying I love the weather today in my Twitter and Plurk update. I take it back. I only loved it because it is conducive for sleeping... but I don't like how it ended up. I pity those people who doesn't have 2nd floors in their homes, those people who are homeless and who doesn't have durable houses. Thank God, the more than 12-hour of rain pour stopped. I hope the flood subsides as soon as possible so that people can go back to their usual lives. Although for some, tomorrow would be a different day but I do hope they would be able to overcome this obstacle. They just have to believe in God. We need to keep our faith in times of difficulties. I know that He will guide and protect us. I know.

On the other hand, I want to thank God for keeping my family safe. Our subdivision is free from flood because our place is more elevated than the other places. I feel sad though for my boyfriend. They were affected by this tremendous flood but thank God they're safe now.

I will still continue praying for those people who are affected by this. Help and join me, will you?

How we can help: 1 2 3 4 5

Reflections on Renovation

Finally, our house is done with all these renovations. Well, we haven't painted the exterior of our house yet but at least the most important parts of the house were fixed. I am happy because I got my dream color for my room which is PINK. Even my brother and sister finally had their rooms modified. I remember whenever a typhoon visits the country my parents were really worried because our house was made of wood and it might collapse anytime. The termites made themselves full because of our house. So when they were able to save enough money for the renovation, they had it fixed right away.

The reason why I am blogging about this is because I want to share what I learned or realized during our house renovation. I feel so grateful that our family is lucky and blessed. Whenever I see our workers sweaty and all that, I pity them. They have to work realllllyyyyy hard even if the sun's burning their skin on a hot humid day just to earn money for their families. Sometimes, we see the construction workers as maniacs or disrespectful jerks whenever we pass by a construction site and hear them say, "Hi miss!" Yeah, it's irritating. I know. But at least, they don't kill or steal. Their job is described in Tagalog as "malinis at marangal na trabaho". You know when I heard their stories, I felt guilty with all my whines. A construction worker even told my mom that we are very lucky because our parents were able to send us to good reputable schools. There were so many guilt-causing stories that I've heard and it made me appreciate their hard work. It made me appreciate my life more.

It's really true that sometimes those unexpected people, those we call strangers, are the ones who would teach us great lessons in life.

Thank you kuya's and manong's for making our house beautiful. :)

"Promise, you don't go..."

I made my student cry and it did hurt my feelings.

One of the most painful experiences we would encounter in our lives is parting ways with someone we learned to love whether it is romantic or platonic love. When a patient is being discharged and that patient became really close to me, it's hard for me to let go. I guess, that's one of my weaknesses. I get attached with my patients. I treat them like my real friends or family.

Last week, I have planned not to extend my contract in the school where I am currently employed. This is because I might go back to the hospital in September and I want to concentrate on my MA. (My thesis proposal was rejected. =() My part-time work is sort of eating my time especially if there are paper works to be passed. Just to make it clear, I enjoy my work. I love teaching those Korean students... And yeah, I learned to love my students.

I thought that my students would only be studying until August so I thought we would both leave the school at the same time. I just learned this week that they would still be studying until September. So when I told So-Young that I might not be able to teach her on September, she got sad. Remember when she asked me if I would still be her teacher in November? The other day, she asked me if I told Su-Ji (her friend) about it. No, I haven't told her about my plan. And to tell you the truth, I didn't know how to tell Su-Ji.

Su-Ji is my favorite student, along with So-Young. Before, I hated those teachers who have favorite students. I questioned them why do they have to have favorite students. They should treat us fairly. Now, I know the answer. The answer may not be very explainable but you just feel it in your heart. I became very close with Su-Ji and So-Young but it was Su-Ji who was very clingy. Did you know that she wrote this on my board: "I want Teacher Xyla be my mom!" She treats me like her own mom or sister. Sometimes, she would call me, "my baby" and I would call her my "um ma" ((mom in Korean)). She always hugs me whenever she sees me. She would always find a way to tickle me. Sometimes, I get irritated whenever she's playful in our class but when she sees me that I am not in the mood, she would try to make me laugh by doing crazy things. She's my cutest student and I learned to love her like my own sister or daughter.

Yesterday, So-Young slipped her tongue about my short stay in school. Su-Ji heard it and asked me what's going on. So, I told her that I might not be able to stay until September. She was confused. So-Young had to speak in Korean to explain it to her. It sounded like, "Teacher Xyla is going back to the hospital. She's a nurse, remember?" When the bell rang, So-Young left my room and Su-Ji was still confused. She kept asking, "Why?!" I said, I am a nurse. I have to go back to the hospital. Then she asked why again. I just said, "Koon-yang." ((It means JUST (basta) or if you can't find any explanation to your answer.)) She still asked why. I saw that she was getting teary-eyed. Then she suddenly get her dictionary. Actually, she doesn't normally do that. Whenever I ask her to get her electronic dictionary, she doesn't follow. But yesterday, I was surprised when she got her dictionary without me asking her to do it. I know that she wants to say something but she couldn't express it in English. She typed something quietly and showed me the English translation. She said, "Titcha, you *shows the English translation* nurse. You my teacher. You teach me." When I read it, it said:  graduate, finish, terminate, complete... What she meant is that I stop being a nurse and just teach her. I got teary-eyed but I tried to control it. I said, "I don't know." The next thing I know, her face was on my lap, crying really hard. =( I didn't know what to do. All I knew was to comfort her. I tried to stop her but she didn't want to stop. I had to threat her that the school owner is near my room so she got up. She's scared of the school owner. Haha!  My heart sank when I saw her face. And then she said, "Promise teacher, you don't go. You teach me. You don't leave me." Upon hearing those words, I wanted to cry right then and there. Never in my entire life begged me like that. She wanted us to do the pinky promise. But I had second thoughts to do the pinky promise. I know that it's not right for me to promise because I might just break it. But she still cried. "You are bad teacher! You leave me!" I got scared that the other teachers or the administrators would hear her tantrums so I gave in. I "promised" not to leave her. And yeah, I am really a bad teacher for doing that promise. =( After that, she calmed down.

You know, this is so hard for me. I think I can stay until September. I will do this for my students if I have to but what if I am scheduled for September for my hospital-comeback? You know that I've always wanted to work in the hospital and I kept saying that it is there where I truly belong. I don't know what to do now. Maybe, I'll just ask God to postpone the hospital-comeback in October.

When the students were dismissed at 5:00, Su-Ji saw me near the school owner's office and hugged me very tight. It's like the tightest hug I have ever felt in my entire life. Imagine a lost kid seeing her mom again. That's how I felt yesterday. Before she bid goodbye, she said, "Teacher... don't go, okay?"

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I

Our whole nation is grieving and mourning because of former President Cory Aquino's passing. I was eating bread and drinking coffee for breakfast when I heard about the news. At first, I didn't know she already died yesterday, August 1, at 3:18 am. My mom was listening to the radio and I heard about this tribute thing for Tita Cory, as everyone calls her. It was then that I asked my mom if she already died. My mom said yes and she told me that she got teary-eyed upon learning the sad news. I, too, got teary-eyed. :(

I have always admired Tita Cory even before. I remember that I once wished that I was a teenager when the 1986 EDSA Revolution happened. When we discussed this in our History subject during my high school years, I envied those people who were able to witness and to participate in the People Power. I was only 7 months when it happened.

Tita Cory is truly an inspiration to me and to all of us. I can not forget this words she uttered, "I am thankful that God made me a Filipino like you." Those words are powerful. Some of us hates to be a Filipino. Some of us are ashamed to be a Filipino. But look at her, she died with peace in her heart, and proud as a Filipino despite our economic crisis. I hope those words would mark all the Filipino's heart.

Part of me wants to be like her. Well, I am not as religious as her but I believe in God. I am not as brave as her. But I would like to fight for the right. She told a broadcaster during her interview that what made her a good leader is that she did the right things to do with all honesty despite her flaws in her leadership skills. I really, really admire her. She touched a lot of lives in her own simple way.

I hope someday, somewhere, I would be able to inspire people just like what she did and still does even if she's gone. I hope that someday people would also remember me touching their lives. Well, it is not too late to do good and right things.

President Cory, thank you so much. You will truly be missed.

Fast Asleep

While I was walking on the foot bridge near my workplace, I saw a bunch of people gathered in one corner. I thought there was a commotion or something until I saw an innocent 4-year-old boy who's fast asleep on the steps of the foot bridge.

The people who passed by the sleeping kid were so disturbed upon seeing him. "Kawawa naman itong batang ito..." Those were the words I heard from the people. The boy looked very pitiful that I wanted to wake him up and tell him to sleep somewhere else because people might hurt or hit him because he's blocking the way. I hesitated because his parent/s might see me and misinterpret what I wanted to do. I couldn't do anything but get teary-eyed. :(

I've been blogging about cases like this but I still feel so frustrated that I can not do anything for them except to blog and to pray for them. Even though I have seen a lot of kids sleeping on the streets or in any unsafe place,  I still can not accept the fact that it happens in our society where there are so many corrupt politicians who can actually DO SOMETHING FOR THEM. But why does this problem remain unresolved? It's because those people we voted for (whether you admit it or not) are blinded by their love for money, not for the people they are supposed to serve.

On the other hand, it's a sad fact that the poor people only rely on the donations or help they get from other people. They should learn how to maximize what they only have. There are so many successful people who were able to surpass poverty because of hard work and optimism. I guess, for the politicians, they should also include teachings about surviving poverty and not just donating the whole time. You get what I mean?

I hope someday, our politicians change their main concerns from money to his/her people's needs. I also hope that the less unfortunate people strive hard and stop depending on other people. And lastly, I hope that I can also do something, if I haven't done something good, for our society and not just get frustrated all the time.

"Beggars can't be choosers."

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Backer, where art thou?

For the past few months, I have been really bitter with staff nurses who got in easily because of their backers. I hate the fact that it's really happening in our society. It's really WHO you know that matters nowadays. But when I was given the chance to volunteer in a public hospital, I learned to accept the reality - you can get hired easily without a single drop of sweat when you have a backer.

So, right now... I am on a backer hunting instead of job hunting. Just kidding! Haha! I still job hunt. It sucks that every time a hospital gives me a chance to get an experience through a volunteer or training program, there's always this you-should-get-a-backer-now thing going on inside the institution. That's the reason why no matter how hardworking I am during my duty days, I still don't succeed in getting hired. No matter how good my evaluation is, it is always disregarded. It's really unfair because there are other nurses who are more deserving of those positions. Yes, I'm getting bitter again but I'll tell you where these are all coming from...

There are staff nurses who are not being effective and efficient with their work. They reason out that they can't do the ideal procedure anymore because they lack time and they have so many patients to attend to. I understand that but is their reasoning really acceptable? You know the saying, "if there's a will, there's a way." Hello, miss and mister nurses? Your patients are not animals. They are human beings like you who feel pain, who suffer from pain... Don't reason out that they are not paying you for what you are doing... Actually, they are paying you through their taxes. Let's say they don't pay the taxes... But if you were in their shoes... What would you feel?

It's disappointing that those who got their jobs easily are the ones who take advantage of their luck. I hope that they prove their backers that they deserve their position by doing what is right even if the working place is not as ideal as what we are expecting.

A Mother's Anguish

You know what's really tormenting? It's when you only have one thousand bucks left in your pocket which you're going to spend to buy a medicine for your child who's in a very critical state of illness... Then all of a sudden, it's gone. It was stolen by a heartless evil in a very peaceful night.

I pity the mothers who are emotionally and financially suffering because of their kids' illnesses. I once saw my mom cry when I was in the hospital. Mothers would usually say, "Ako na lang sana nagkasakit kaysa ang anak ko..."

I can not believe that there are still some people who can do this to such people. You know what I mean? They could have helped them rather than add more burden. I also can not believe that despite the security in the hospital, there are still evils who can get away with the guards. I have a feeling that the criminals are either one of the inconsiderate guardians of the patients or some ruthless people who pretend to be a nurse/doctor.

God save this people.

A letter for the clerks (med students)

Dear Clerks,

In behalf of my colleagues (staff nurses and co-volunteers), I am writing to express my feelings towards you. Please recharge yourselves with understanding and empathy because this letter is not written just to catch anyone's attention. This is a letter to serve as a reminder... or probably a lesson to some of you.

First of all, we, volunteer nurses, are not your slaves. You can not just reprimand us whenever you want because we are not under your supervision. If you would like to request something that you want us to do for you, you can always ask us in a good way. Remember the word, "please" or "paki" in Tagalog? I don't think it is right to raise your eyebrows while talking to us. We always give you respect. Is it hard to do the same thing?

Second, nurses have their own assessment. We have our own nursing process. We have our own brains. We won't be able to get our own LICENSES if we don't know how to assess. You can clarify our assessments with us but I don't think it is proper to criticize our assessments as if we're like grade school students. We accept criticisms but just the constructive ones. Just because you are a MEDICAL STUDENT, it doesn't mean you are always right. Remember, we are LICENSED NURSES. You don't have a single license yet... probably just a driver's license? I may sound bragging here but that's what you actually did to us. You bragged that your assessment is so much better than us. Pfft. Okay, I will let this pass but always remember that karma strikes back really fast.

Third, nurses are supposedly your allies. Don't treat us as if you're the one who's paying us. You are not our god. Just because we follow your orders, you'd treat us, again, like your slaves. Geez. You're still on your med school and as early as now, you don't know how to collaborate with us in a good way, in the right way. How will you be able to attain the good nurse-doctor relationship in the future if you don't know to apply good manners and right conduct now?

Fourth, my hand is not a trash bin. And once a pair of gloves is used, it is considered unsterile. Can you explain this to me? Why in the world you threw the used gloves on my hands? What's your purpose of doing it to me? Is it because I AM JUST A MERE VOLUNTEER NURSE? I really don't get it. You are a very, very rude clerk. Sorry to say but you won't be one of those doctors that the nurses and the patients will look up to. You would probably be the doctor who only wants to earn money. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Fifth, our nurse supervisor deserves respect from anyone of us. You were confronted to teach you a lesson. How dare you to disrespect our nurse supervisor. Is that what your parents taught you? To shout at the elders? I think you should go back to your grade school to learn more about RESPECT.

Sixth, to all the clerks who are very, very nice, I salute you. To all the clerks whom I've seen with real compassion and dedication with their work, I am proud of you. It sucks that I envy you for being a med student. I've always wanted to be a doctor. You actually encouraged me to continue my dreams but I guess, being a nurse is what God really wants me to be. But really, thank you for the bonding time. Thank you. :) I know and I feel that you will be great doctors someday. Good luck and God bless.

Seventh, to you... it hurts me to know that you have a girlfriend. I wish we could have talked more often than just looking at each others' eyes. Hahaha! I am just kidding. My boyfriend will get mad for posting this seventh message. Please disregard this paragraph. XD

Well, that's all. I hope that you take this letter into consideration. Till here. See you tomorrow at the ward.

Respectfully yours,

Different Kind of Happiness

Isn't it amazing to see your patient from the ICU being transferred to the ward? No adjective can describe this kind of happiness I felt within when I saw two of my many patients in the ward. They survived the critical stage of their life.

They can now breathe by themselves. They can now communicate with us. You can now see them smiling... I can hear them calling me, nurse. God gave them another life to live. I am very, very happy.  :)

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Please vote for Earth against Global Warming on March 28, 8:30 to 9:30 pm. Let's all fight against Global Warming by switching our lights off on the said date and time. Let us all support the Earth Hour 2009.

Volunteer Ventilators

I am absent today in my duty. I have a flu. I feel so weak today but I still went online because I can not sleep with the kind of weather we have here in our country ((very, very H-O-T!)) plus the noise due to the on-going renovation of our house.

I texted Mitchie ((my co-volunteer)) and asked her how they're doing. I found out that only she and Diane are present. The other four members of our group, including me, are absent. Like me, they are also not feeling well.

She told me that they are already tired and busy ventilating this certain patient who was abandoned by his/her family. I feel so sorry for them. I apologized for not showing up. I could have helped them.

Let me tell you about the Medicine Ward, where we are currently assigned since last week. It is divided into three categories, the dirty (where all the pneumonia, tuberculosis and other air-borne diseases are), clean (any disease that aren't required to wear a mask for protection) and the "ICU". Yes, ICU with quotation marks.

Supposedly, an ICU should be well-ventilated. All of the ICUs I have been to are air-conditioned. But in this hospital, it is not. Actually, there is a real ICU which is air-conditioned but I bet it's for the patients who can afford to pay for the hospital services. I am not sure about that yet. Anyway, the ICU ward ((let's call it ICU ward so you won't be confused)) is just ventilated by two electric fans which is soooo dirty and rusty. A real ICU should have a cardiac monitor, infusion pumps and mechanical ventilator. In the ICU ward, I only saw one infusion pump which is understandable. But you know what's saddening? They don't have mechanical ventilators in it.

What is a mechanical ventilator? It's a machine that assists a patient to breathe 24/7. So how do those patients breathe spontaneously without a mechanical ventilator? They are ventilated by their relatives/guardians/family manually by an ambubag. Sad, right? Imagine a person pressing an ambubag 24/7. Who wouldn't get tired?

I pity the patients as well as their relatives. All of them are sleep deprived. They also have shifts like us, nurses. But what can they do? They don't have the money to pay for the real ICU. We can't blame the hospital too because they don't have enough equipment that they need due to lack of funds allotted by the government.

I wonder how our CORRUPT politicians can take this reality. Are they even aware what these patients are going through? I'm so disappointed that they still have the guts to corrupt while there are patients who can not receive the kind of health care that they deserve.

Well, reality really sucks.

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