Flat Line

We really never know when our life's going to end. Our life's not like a cellular phone that says "LOWBATT!" that warns you that you have to recharge it now. We don't have this superficial power that we can predict when we will die. God knows when He will take your life back. And it's ONLY Him who has the capability to know and to do that.

I was in a sort of state of disbelief last night at my grave yard shift. I never expected that I would be doing post mortem care at 3:00 in the morning. Two of the patients I have handled died in our shift. The first one died at around 2 am and the other one died at 2:40 am. Both of them were like in and out of the Intensive Care Unit. I felt like crying when I see the relatives of those who died. The two families have different reactions. The first one can not accept what happened even if they already know that their mom is in a critical condition. The second one already had the acceptance before their mom (too) died and even asked for a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order from the doctors. I see the pain in their eyes. I know that they would definitely miss their mothers whom I think have given so much love for their kids. May they rest in peace.

So I did this post mortem care thing to the second patient (because the first one was done by my co-trainee) where in I have to remove the IV lines, foley catheter and nasogastric tube. While I was cleaning her, I really felt that her body's becoming cold and rigid already. Creepy. I know that right? But I wasn't really scared. Really. I even stayed beside her for like 15-30 minutes while waiting for the the personnel in charge of taking her to the morgue. The staff nurse I was assisting even asked if it's okay if she'll leave me alone with my dead patient while cleaning her. I told her that I can handle it. She has this hesitation of leaving me alone but I assured her that I am okay. She might be thinking that I am scared or what. After doing the post mortem care, I cleaned up, disinfected myself and paid a visit of condolence to the grieving relatives. I was even surprised that one of the sons of my patient said to his other siblings "Eto yun sinasabi ko sa inyong nurse na listo..." Err.. what does listo mean? Haha. (My mom said it means active.) They thanked me and I thanked them too.

After an hour, the staff nurse I was assisting really made me laugh when she asked me to accompany her to go to the comfort room. LOL. I never expected that a stern nurse like her would end up being a scaredy-cat. Haha. Err. I hope she won't know about this. Sorry, Ma'am Jen!

There you go. This is like a nonsense entry. Sorry for that. You see, this training that I have gives me different and weird experiences. One of it is that in my 21 years of existence, this is the first time that I wasn't called Xyla, but Jeremy instead, in an 8 hour shift. Geez.