Yesterday, I was still not feeling well but a little bit better compared to Day 12 and 13. I wanted to ignore how special this day is for couples but I can't help it. Every taken person on my news feed, dashboard and timeline posted about dates, flowers, etc. I was kinda bitter at first (Haha! I'm sorry!) but ended up very happy for my friends who received sweet stuff from their boyfriends.
Seeing their photos reminded me of his surprises during our 4 year relationship. He never failed to surprise me on every Valentine's Day. Before I met him, I always say that Valentine's Day shouldn't be a big deal because cliche as it may sound, everyday must be a Valentine's Day for every couple. But hello? We live in a real world... not in a fairy tale so the "everyday must be a Valentine's Day" thing doesn't happen to most of the couples. So when we became a couple, that day became really special to me. Every year, as much as I don't want to expect any surprises, I can't help but to look forward to it. On our first year, he gave me a teddy bear with chocolates. In 2009, he made me really mad on the evening of February 13 until the morning of February 14... Little did I know, he was outside my house with a bouquet of flowers. In 2010, I can't exactly remember but I think he gave me chocolates and a bunch of flowers. In 2011, he took me out on a surprise date and we watched the annual Pyromusical Olympics in Mall of Asia (that's when Katy Perry's song Firework became our theme song. Lol, I kid). And in 2012... nothing. NGANGA! Lol.
It made me sad. I missed everything... not only him but also the things he did for me. Like what I always say, he's my first in almost everything. I know that I haven't really blogged about what really happened. It's something that I really, really wanted to let it all out in my blog just to make me feel better. But it's too complicated and the fact that this blog doesn't only have one reader, I don't think it's appropriate to post it in public. One thing I want to say is that I was kind of devastated. I always ask God... why me? I have never wronged anyone. My friends know that the last thing I would do to anyone is to hurt them. I'm not a saint. I'm kind of a bitch sometimes but I was raised by my parents not to step on anyone's toes. "Less words, less mistakes," that's what my mom told me but then she told me that if it's time to fight and to stand up, then do it. I think I've fought for what I believe in... and that is: Let God do His works. I remained calm and quiet. I tried to keep all the good vibes and get rid of the negativities. His mom also told me, "Huwag mong babaguhin ang sarili mo na ikakasira mo para lang makapagmove on. Huwag mong ibahin yun pagkakakilala sa'yo ng mga tao..." I get what his mom told me and I felt how much she loves me by trying to guide me to the right path like what my own parents do. I think what makes me guilty about this break up thing is that I never told any of my family members that we're not together anymore. My parents don't have any single idea that we have already broken up. And I think that it's difficult to pretend that you're okay at home because who do you really turn to when you've got no one else? Your family, right? But I tried to keep mum about it; I took away that "privilege" to feel better in the arms of my family... Just because I think it's the best thing to do as of this moment.
So anyway, last night I was surprised by these:
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| A bunch of red flowers, a teddy bear, chocolates and a card |
